Having a Heart for Adoption

 Warning!!!  This is an extremely LONG post.  If you're reading just to find out what's going on with the chili cook-off and silent auction, scroll to the bottom.  Otherwise, don't say I didn't warn you!

I was first introduced to adoption about four or so years ago when our friends Ben and Janet announced they would be adopting from Ethiopia.  Obviously I was familiar with what adoption was in the legal sense before this, but it wasn't until I watched them walk through their journey that I actually began to really understand what it meant to adopt.  And I emphasize "began" because I still don't think I can claim to fully comprehend all that true adoption involves.  I am an amateur when it comes to this. Ben and Janet's experience showed me that adoption isn't just for people who can't have children "the normal way."  It's not for people who tried and tried and just couldn't get pregnant.  Adoption is a choice...a well thought out, calculated choice to bring a child into your home permanently - fully and completely part of the family.  Most people who adopt yearn for this child even before they see him/her for the first time.  They have a love for this child that can't be explained by a biological connection.  There is something absolutely beautiful and almost supernatural about it.  It truly is an amazing thing to see.

Watching Ben and Janet also made me begin to understand my status as an adoptee.  Adoption in this life, in this world is a reflection of God's actions toward us.  We, as sinners, were separated from God.  No home, no Father.  But God chose not to leave us this way.  He chose to send his Son as a sacrifice to redeem us...bring us back to him.  He chose us and because of this we are able to be called sons of God.  Do you realize what this means?  If we confess our sins and claim Jesus as Lord we will NOT be eternally separated, but will be included in the inheritance of Jesus Christ.  All because he loved us so much he could not leave us in a state of fatherlessness (when you have your own blog you're allowed to make up words).  Adoption in this world is again a reflection and an extension of what God has done for us.

One of my favorite verses when it comes to adoption (actually just in general) is James 1:27 which says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  This verse gives evidence to the fact that God has a heart for orphans (and widows, but that's another post) and he has given us a command to look after them.  Does this mean we have to adopt ourselves?  Not necessarily...  Maybe it means becoming a missionary and serving at an orphanage caring for orphans.  Maybe it means continuously being in prayer for adoptive families in their journeys.  Or maybe it means financially partnering with a family in the process of adopting.  If we pick our heads up and look around we will find out there are people all over that are answering God's call to adopt. 

This is how we got introduced to Danny and Amanda.  They go to our church and I knew of them...that's about the extent of it.  Then I heard they were adopting, and for some reason God pushed me way out of my comfort zone and I invited them over for dinner.  We got to hear their story...about them, their family, and why they have decided to adopt.  God gave me an instant love for this family...a burden for this family.  They are constantly on my mind and I have an aching in my heart to help them bring their little one home.  When I heard the adoption is going much quicker than originally thought, the urgency set in.  So that brings me to the BIG point of this incredibly long post (so sorry if you've read the whole thing!).  I really wish we could give Danny and Amanda the whole amount that they need to adopt this baby, but we just can't.  But I can (along with A LOT of help from those around me) at least assist them.  So a small group of us has decided to put on a fund raiser for this family...we are doing a chili cook-off and silent auction on June 26.  Like I said, this is going to require quite a bit of help and donation of resources and time from lots of people.  That is why I am humbly asking for HELP!!  Please donate...whether it be time, chili, items for auction, or straight monetary donations...whatever you feel led to give, we would appreciate it immensely and you may never know the full impact your donation will forever have on this family.  So please be in prayer about this and if you feel like this is something God has laid on your heart, email me, call me, send me a message on FB, and I can get more specific about what we need. 

Lastly, if you are not in a position to give or don't feel like this is something you're supposed to do, please still consider to partner with us in prayer.  Pray for Danny and Amanda as they prepare for this little one to arrive.  Pray for their older children as they make this transition.  Pray for the birth mother and her situation whatever it may be.  Pray for the details of the event to all come into place.  Pray we are able to get the word out and people will come and feel led to give.  Pray that all needs are met - financial, spiritual, emotional, others we may not even be aware of.  Whew!! I think I'll end there.  Please get in touch with me if you have any further questions, comments, or just want to pray.  Also, if I've totally screwed up what adoption means to those who have already done it, please forgive me.  I told you I was an amateur.

Four

Man, I can't believe it's here already.  Four years old!  My little boy is growing up so fast - it's almost sickening to think he'll be in kindergarten soon, then grade school, middle school, high school - AAHHHH!!  Okay, let's slow down and live in the moment!  Oh, Will...my first born.  To take a phrase from a friend - "You made me a momma!" 

Such a sweet boy!  I love his energy - the boy never stops!  He keeps me on my toes, that's for sure.  He is incredibly strong-willed (not sure where he got that from - ahem!).  This brings me many frustrating moments in parenting, but I hope will bring him successes later in life.  (Now just to figure out how to cultivate this into a positive thing!) 

I love watching him learn how to be a big brother.  He loves Micah so much, but learning how to show that love comes with difficulty!  He was the only one for three years and then all of a sudden there was this little guy demanding attention and now getting into his toys.  Every moment is a learning opportunity!  Even with all the fighting and selfishness and bossing around, there are plenty of sweet moments.  This morning Micah bonked his head (again) and immediately Will was by his side telling him it was okay and giving him hugs. That's enough to melt a momma's heart!  Oh, how I pray they will be friends and one day brothers in Christ!

I love his servant heart.  He gets that from his daddy.  He's always wanting to help around the house and outside - especially outside!  It might be an independence thing, but I'm thinking we can grow this into a heart that wants to serve the Lord. 

I love his silliness!  This one might get him into trouble at school.  He definitely feeds off of people's attention and if he gets a laugh out of someone, you'd better believe he's going to repeat whatever it was that got them chuckling.  Oh, I can just imagine the phone calls from the principal and parent-teacher conferences!  Help me now, Lord!

I love his happiness!  There are moments when I wonder what got his undies in a twist, but for the most part Will is a pretty happy kid.  You can always get a smile out of him.

Oh, yes, Will...you made me a momma.  More specifically, God made me a momma, and he chose to do it with Will.  This has been a crazy four years.  Gregg and I have learned a lot, grown a lot, grieved a lot.  Parenting is NOT what we expected.  It's so much more...and so much harder.  We never realized it was going to be an exercise in personal faith and dependence on God.  It's amazing the things God uses to help us grow closer to him. 

One thing Gregg has said over and over, is that he was never able to even begin to understand Christ's love for us until we had Will.  I reflect on this and how true it is.  Even though the relationship with your spouse should be the closest relationship here on this earth, there is nothing like the love you feel for that child.  The closeness you feel as they are brand new, the joy you feel as you watch them succeed, the heartache you feel when they don't, the grief you feel when they chose to sin.  Being a parent has made me so much more thankful of my heavenly Father and his love for me!

I am so thankful for this little boy and all the joys and challenges he brings Gregg and I each and every day.  I can't wait to see what the next four years, eight years, sixteen years hold for us.  Happy Birthday, Will!  I love you!

Deer Poop and Other Random Stuff

So, it's been well over a month since I've posted anything...actually didn't think I'd ever get back around to blogging.  But, alas...here I am.  What have I decided to blog about after my long hiatus?  That's right...deer poop...and a whole lot of it.  This comes after me spending more than an hour yesterday picking up deer poop in our back yard.  That's right...more than an hour.  Worst part of it is, I'm only about a fifth of the way done.  Disgusting.  Not only deer poop, but rabbit poop, and fox poop, and whatever random dog roams into our yard poop.  How fair is this?  I don't own a dog, and for very tangible reasons like - I don't like to pick up poop!!  What the heck?!?!?  I guess that's what I get for buying a house in a somewhat rural area. 

Well during my hour of fun, I had plenty of time to think.  At first it started off with practical things...spiritual things...how can I put into practice what I've learned through my Bible study this week?  Then my mind turned more to things related to the task at hand...
1) Man, this is A LOT of poop!   I live on a golf course...do they pay someone to pick all this up off the golf course?  Or do the deer know not to poop there?  Maybe that's their dining area and my yard is their bathroom.
2) I just found the chore the boys are going to hate the most, but the one I'm going to love passing off the most!
3) My thoughts turned to childhood memories like the time we were out Christmas tree hunting and my brother decided to pick up a cow pie.  Then remembering how funny it was when he figured out what it was.  (This was after I hear Will saying, "look, mom, poop!" and to my horror I turn around to see him sitting in poop with some poop in his hand.  Then I freak out like any good mom and make him go inside and wash up.)
4) Will was out there with me the whole time (minus the wash up session) which made me think about how much I love having boys and how much I'm going to LOVE spending the summer outside with them playing in the grass with rocks and bugs (I won't be touching any bugs, mind you). 

Funny how your mind wanders when you let it...  Well, I'm sorry if I've just disappointed (or grossed out) any of my followers (if I have any), but this is my life, people!  Here are some random pics of the boys to make up for the gross factor of this post...enjoy!

 Brothers...so sweet when they wanna be!

 "I love helping daddy with the dishes!"  Yeah, let's just hope this lasts!

 Crazy hair day at preschool...not too happy about it in the morning - he begged me to wash it out, but then...

 Lovin' it at the end of the day...he thought he was the COOLEST!

 Our new found passion...painting!

 Concentrating very hard.

 And then there's Micah...so excited about life.  Every day is an adventure!

Another sweet bro' moment.  Love these boys!

Say What You Mean To Say

For the past few days now John Mayer's voice has been playing over and over in my head..."Say what you mean to say.  Say what you mean to say."  (Am I the only one with the continuously rolling soundtrack in my head?  Gosh, I hope not.)  Anyway, ever since we got back from Louisiana I haven't really been able to blog much.  I have all these thoughts swarming around in my head, but I can't get a coherent thought to come out.  Blogging is a release for me...it's a way for us to stay connected to the outside world, for me to keep people up on what's going on, or just to get things out that need out.  But for the past few weeks I feel like I've been walking around in this fog.  I've started a million blogs in my head, even started writing a few, but I can't get out what I'm trying to say. 

I want to tell people:

-That while we're doing okay, we're still struggling with the loss of Eric - Gregg especially.  We have our lives to keep us busy during the day, but in the quiet of the night grief strikes.  Or even sometimes it comes at totally random times.

- That we serve an awesome God, and he has a plan for each and every one of us.  If I were you, I'd try to get on the good side of that plan.

- That Micah got his first tooth and he's crawling now.  That's running us into a lot of talks about sharing and being kind since now he can get into Will's toys. 

- That I love my new job, although the hours stink and I'm feeling a little stupid because I've been working in retail for the past almost two years.

- That marathon training is going well, although slowly. 

- That I have the most wonderful husband who sacrifices in so many areas for our family.

There are all these feelings and inner struggles I want to get out like:

- How to couple the fact that God is someone to be feared, but at the same time he allows us to call him by a most intimate name - Abba, Father.

- How sweet it is to hold a sleeping baby in your arms and the love that overwhelms you at a moment like that.

- How to get used to this "new normal" without Eric (thanks, Laura for coining that term).

- How challenging and rewarding parenting can be at the same time.

- How to show the love of Christ to those I barely even know, or worse yet, to those I don't like.

- How humbled I am at the acts of service and love we received from Eric and Laura's church in Louisiana, Roger and Cathy's church during our short stay in Enid, OK, and from our church here in SD during this difficult time.

The list literally goes on and on.  Maybe one day the fog that is February will clear and I'll be able to articulate my thoughts again.  Maybe it won't and this will be my last blog...we'll see.  But for now I'll sign off and try to get used to this new normal.

Praise You In This Storm

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall (Casting Crowns)

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

'Nuff said.

The Man They Called Scorch

Captain Eric "Scorch" Schmidt.  I have known Eric for a little over 10 years, but I have never referred to him with such a formal title.  To be honest, I didn't even know his official rank in the Air Force.  Of course I knew he was in the Air Force.  I knew he was a pilot.  I knew he was enlisted right out of high school before attending college.  But after that I knew little to nothing about the man his coworkers (copilots, co-Air Force people - I'm not up on the lingo) called Scorch.  I knew him as Eric...loyal brother and son, good friend, wonderful husband, awesome uncle, proud papa, devoted follower of Christ.  I never really saw him in his professional realm.  I didn't even know how he got his pilot call sign (Scorch), but apparently it had to do with some planes catching fire on more than one occasion - although I'm told it was no fault of his....riiiiight. :)  I really had no idea until last week what a true benefit he was to our Armed Forces.  Take a look at all the ribbons he received while serving his country:

I had no idea what they all meant, so I looked them up (using the internet, mind you, so I hope it was accurate).  Here are some of the meanings of a few random ones: Meritorious Service Medal, Aerial Achievement Medal, Air Force Good Conduct Medal, Southwest Asia Service Medal, Small Arms Expert Marksmanship Ribbon.  The list goes on.  Sad thing is, I'll never know what he did to receive all these...it would have been nice to know.

Last week I got a little glimpse into what Eric...Scorch...Capt. Schmidt meant to the Air Force community.  At his visitation we heard multiple stories from a copilot, fellow student from the academy, and others about his leadership skills, courage, and dedication to people.  Before his funeral the Global Strike Commander Lt. Gen. James Kowalski personally told the family we could truly be proud of Eric and the job he did.  At his funeral he was honored with Taps, a 21 gun salute, and a B-52 fly over.  They repeated the fly over at his burial service in Enid, OK.  Both planes were flown by those who served with him and called him friend.  After the service in LA, some of the guys in his squadron took us to see where he worked and give us a little more insight into what he did on a day to day basis and the impact he had on those around him.  The whole experience, though incredibly sad, was awesome and one I will never forget. 

I can honestly say I was proud of Eric before...mostly because he was incredible man of God and he lived out his faith every day.  I can see now that he extended that to the workplace.  When I think of what we were shown last week, with Eric's dedication to his job, country, and the people he interacted with every day, I am reminded of Colossians 3:23-24.  It says: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord you are serving."  What an incredible example he set for the rest of us in all areas of his life.  I am now ever more so proud of my brother-in-law for the way he served his country, but mostly for the way he served his God.

See You Later, Brother

It's an eerie thing knowing when someone is going to die.  Of course we know we're all dying, and you may even have a glimpse of a general time when someone might pass away, but very seldom do you know the date ahead of time when someone will die.  Eric passed away this morning, and we knew it was going to happen.  He had been on the ventilator since last Tuesday and it became evident he was not ever going to be able to successfully breathe without it.  The cancer had spread so significantly that his body was shutting down.  The whole time Gregg and I were here he hadn't responded to our presence aside from opening his eyes briefly the first day we were here.  So after multiple long talks with the doctors and the family it was decided to take him off of the ventilator this morning.

There is an unsettling feeling in a situation like this.  Tons of questions go through your head..."Are we doing the right thing?"  "What if the situation would have changed tomorrow and he would have been fine?"  "Am I playing God?"  The chaplain from the base out here assured me that God is still in control of the situation and if he wanted Eric to breathe on his own, that would happen.  Still unsettled.

We have been praying this whole time for God to take this away from Eric, hoping he would just heal him - completely.  My prayer didn't change last night.  I prayed we would walk into the hospital room this morning and he would be sitting up, breathing on his own, with a smile on his face to greet us.  We prayed for a miracle...just give us a miracle.  This morning we got a miracle.  When we walked into the room, Eric's eyes were open and he was responding to questions.  We were able to see him and him see us.  We could talk to him and he heard us.  Then the really unsettling feeling, "Does he know what we're here for?"  Gregg decided he would be the one to directly ask him.  It was heartbreaking to watch Gregg ask his only brother if he was aware, but also if this was what he wanted, but it was so reassuring to see that Eric knew exactly what was going on and affirm to us that he was ready to go and be with Jesus.  With the sedation off, it was so obvious he was in pain...just more evidence the cancer had taken over.  He was ready to go.  It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was awesome that everyone got to be there.  It was awesome that everyone there was a believer.  It was awesome that even as Eric was leaving this life, God was being praised.  Eric lived his life to glorify God, and he has now received the goal of his faith...the salvation of his soul.

Don't Wait

Just as a warning...this post may be full of cliches, but there's a reason people say these sorts of things.  I am notorious for feeling convicted about saying something to someone and never doing it (I guess now you know the dirty truth).  The root of the problem is pride.  I am an INCREDIBLY prideful person and I absolutely hate it.  It is something I pray about constantly, but feel like I never really get anywhere with it.  Even worse, I'm more prideful with people that are closest to me.  So a lot of things that should be said get left unsaid.

So a few weeks ago, I got this overwhelming sense that I need to write Eric a long email or letter or whatever to just encourage him in his situation, tell him some things that I had been thinking about, and thank him for his part in Gregg's salvation (if you don't know, God used Eric in big ways for this purpose).  Guess what...I never did it.  I got "too busy" or whatever.  Either way, it ended up with me having to tell him while he's sedated and on a ventilator.  I have no idea if he heard me and if he did I have no idea if he understood me.  What is wrong with me that I can't tell someone something like this until it's pretty much too late?  What is so bad about someone knowing how you feel about them?  It makes you vulnerable...why is that such a bad thing?

I guess this is me feeling guilty for not doing what I know I was supposed to do.  I wish I could say this is a lone instance, but that would be untruthful.  So my whole point to this is (here's the cliche) - don't wait.  Don't wait to tell someone that you love them.  Don't wait to open yourself up to them and let them know how you feel.  Don't wait to make yourself available to them for whatever.  Don't use the excuse that you're too busy, or the kids have this, or whatever.  Find time.  Make time.  Seriously...don't wait.

So Glad We Came...

So we made it.  After 19+ hours of driving we are finally here in Louisiana.  The boys did great...actually a lot better than I did but I think that's because they were able to sleep.  I can never get good sleep in the car.  I'm not going to give too many details as of right now, because I'm not really sure if they're mine to give, but I want to give you all ways you can be praying for the whole Schmidt family right now.

We came down here on an unplanned visit.  (I am so thankful I have a boss that so graciously allowed me to go - even on my first week of work.)  Eric had a procedure to help him breathe better the other day...a fairly routine procedure, but it did require him to be put on a ventilator.  The procedure went fine, but it has been proving difficult to get him off the vent, hence our visit.  I will say that things are happening very quickly and they don't look good.  Please, please pray for strength for the family right now.  Especially Eric's wife Laura, but also for Gregg and his parents.  We know God is in control here...he is the author of our lives and none of this has happened outside of his sovereignty.  We want to praise him during this time, but it is hard to have joy when things just don't feel very joyful.  Pray for comfort for everyone and that we remember we are here to glorify our maker.  Eric did that every day, and we want to do the same.

My Poor Sick Baby

Look at this poor little guy.  He has something coming from almost every orifice in his head.  Thank goodness nothing from the ears yet.  He woke up yesterday with some mattery eyes, but was otherwise himself.  Today he's got a fever, more gunk, and he just wants to be held by his momma.  "Why is that a bad thing?" you ask.  It's not, but it took me a little bit to get it through my task-oriented, thick head that the toy room doesn't have to be organized today.  But wait, Gregg is coming home tomorrow and I want the house... No.  Pick up the sweet baby and just hold him.  As I scurried around the kitchen getting our lunch ready, I was making a mental to-do list for the afternoon.  Then I looked down at this little man just staring up at me.  His eyes screaming, 'pick me up!'  My first thought was, "Really, Micah...now?  I have so much to do!"  I almost broke rule #2 of mini-marathon training (see previous post).  Almost, but not quite.  Okay, Buddy, let's just rock.

Mini-Marathon Training - Laying the Ground Rules

So I've decided to run a mini-marathon in June.  This decision didn't come about without some major thought, mind you.  Many of you know I ran a full marathon when Will was a year old, but since then haven't done any competitive running.  Or really any running for that matter.  To be honest I've missed it.  It gives me time to process my thoughts, pray, or just veg out.  And anyone who has done any sort of competitive event like this will tell you there's nothing like it.  It was awesome to have people sit out on their porch, watch you run by, and cheer you on as you're in the midst of this mental and physical challenge.  I've been waiting to do another one...the timing just hasn't been right.  Well I took one look in the mirror this morning (YIKES) and decided it was time.  So today is Day 1 of Mini-Marathon training.  I decided since I have a husband, two little guys, work, and a relationship with God (should have listed that first) I need to set some ground rules before I get too far into it.  So here they are...

1.  Before I can do my daily run, I HAVE to read my Bible.  I'm not talking sit down for five minutes and check it off the list.  I'm talking meaningful time in the Word with prayer and meditation.  This may mean getting up at 4am - I'm still a nursing momma and there are also days I have to work at 7am.  I think my theme song will be Jeremy Camp's "Give Me Jesus" - you know..."In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus."

2.  I have to put the needs of my family first.  That means running when the kids are asleep or playing well by themselves.  This is happening more and more...last year I couldn't get five minutes in without Will getting so frustrated with a toy that he practically had a melt down.  I did have to stop today to wipe his bottom - comes with the territory! :)

3.  I will not let it be a stressor to my husband.  Gregg is great, and he fully supported me when I ran my first marathon.  When it got to my longer runs, that meant four hours at home while I just ran.  Thankfully I'm just doing the mini this time, so that cuts everything in half.  But if it in any way causes strain, I am making a commitment right now to stop.

4.  This is about being healthy, so I have to eat healthy, too.  I can't say, "I ran today, I can go to Culver's."  That is unless Gregg is craving a butter burger, which happens from time to time.  Even then, I vow to get soup and/or a side salad. 

5.  I have to keep my house in good order.  This means keeping up on the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc.  This really doesn't take much time if I just stay on top of it...that's usually where the problem lies. 

There's lots more, but in the interest of not boring everyone to death, I'll stop here.  I am going to ask something of you, though.  KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE!!  The first question I'd like you to ask me when/if you see me is, "Did you read your Bible today?"  Then, "Did you run today?"  Those are the two questions of necessity.  Feel free to ask me anything else pertaining to these rules as well, including how LONG I ran.  Last but not least, meet my running buddy!

Anybody who knows this kid is aware he is a runnin' fool!  He loves to run and have his turn on the treadmill after mommy's done.  Hopefully he'll keep this love of running and maybe be my real running buddy one day...although he'd probably smoke me!  I can only hope!

Bye-Bye, Retail!

I will start this post with a warning...it will probably be incredibly boring to those non-pharmacist types.  Maybe it will even be boring for the pharmacist types - oh, well!  Anyway, I'm actually doing it...I'm making the change from retail to hospital.  My whole entire pharmacy life has been retail aside from the few short months I spent at St. E in Lafayette during my year of rotations.  As a student I worked at the same CVS for almost five years and I LOVED it.  I knew the patients and a lot of them knew me.  I loved my bosses (most of them), I loved my coworkers, I even loved my pharmacy supervisors.  If someone had told me back then that I would eventually hate working in retail, I would've told them that they were crazy.  Oh, wait.  Someone did tell me that.  I had a certain preceptor who liked to share his opinion...I won't name names, some of you may know him! ;)  (On a side note, he was probably the best preceptor I had and a friend, so no negativity intended here!)  Anyway, he told me story upon story of his experiences in retail and how he hated coming home feeling like he wanted to hit somebody in the head with a baseball bat.  I told him that would never happen to me...well, fast forward to the present and guess what.  He was right.  I have grown to hate retail.  Now, wait.  Hate is a pretty strong word...whatever would be a few notches under hate would be more appropriate.  You pick the word...I'm not an English major.  Either way, the time has come for retail and I to part ways.  Gone are my big ambitions to change the way people take their medication, have a physician take me seriously as a health care professional in a community setting, or to form those deep, lasting bonds with my patients that I so hoped for coming out of school.  I have tried, but I got put into the wrong store for that, and I am burned out.  So after a much needed week off I will begin my career as a hospital pharmacist.  The learning curve will be steep, but it will definitely be worth it.  It's possible that I may return to retail one day.  Never say never, right?  Right now, though, it's just time for a change. 

Random Will

So I got a new camera for Christmas, and I've been trying to take a bunch of pictures to try and figure out all the ins and outs of this thing.  I feel a little guilty because as I look over my pics, they are mostly of Micah.  But then I remember the reason for that...Will HATES to have his picture taken all of a sudden.  It used to be that whenever you pulled the camera out he was all smiles, but now it's, "No, mom, no, no, NO!"  So I have to try and be sneaky, but since I'm not used to this camera yet he usually discovers me before I have a chance to get a decent picture.  I guess I'll have to get more creative.  Here are just a few of the random shots I have been able to capture of him over the past few days....

 Will and his new favorite toy - the piggy bank...this kid just might be a banker.  He's always asking me for money now.  I had no idea how early it started.

 This picture just reminds me he's not a baby anymore.  He's turning into such a little man!

 This is mostly what I get now when I try to get a posed picture.  Not good for anyone.

 Thanks, Grandma Schmidt for the Toy Story puzzles!

 Yet another Buzz Lightyear sighting.  He frequents our house often.

 I know this one is kind of like cheating, but I have to take every opportunity I get to capture his angelic moments...they're pretty few and far between!

 Trying to hide from the camera.

 Ah, there's a nice smile!

 Lovin' on Micah.

Snugglin' with dad....sweet boy.

Talking A Lot About Cheez-Its

It's a tough job being a mommy...one of the hardest, if not the hardest I've ever had.  As parents we have a huge responsibility to raise the "godly offspring" God desires as told to us in Malachi.  This is a responsibility I've been taking a much harder look at lately...wondering exactly how I can do this.  Especially being a mom that works out of the home.  I think I've mentioned before that I've struggled a lot with this role.  It's something I've prayed about, cried about, and talked a lot about with my husband, but right now Gregg feels it's best I continue to work.  This is in no way meant to bad mouth my husband.  As the spiritual leader and decision maker for our family, I completely trust him.  So I am learning to accept and embrace this role, but it's coming with a lot of learning and growing. 

Oh, Will...To be completely honest, our approach to parenting for these first few years has been passive.  Gregg and I did not do a great job of speaking to Will about God, His love for us, and our absolute need for Him.  I figured, "He's little.  He won't understand.  We'll start when he's older."  Then it was, "Oh, he's speech delayed.  He won't understand.  We'll start when he catches up a little more."  I have been finding more and more reasons to avoid the responsibility and it has to stop...NOW!  The fact is this kid understands more than I realize, and the Bible clearly tells us to speak with our children about God...ALL THE TIME (Deut 6:7).  So whether or not I think he's able to understand, it's my responsibility to teach him about the wonders of God and all that goes along with that.  After that, God has to do the rest.  So, Will and I have been talking a lot more about Jesus lately.  And usually the conversation ends up being about Will's love for Cheez-Its...loving Jesus, loving Cheez-Its.  I guess it's all the same to him right now.  But I have to keep trying, and SHOWING him God's love by LIVING it myself, and praying for understanding for this dear, sweet little boy that I so desire to have with me in heaven one day.  When I think about the alternative, I realize I have NO OPTION other than to fulfill my responsibility as a mom...and I have to do it while working...it's not something I can delegate.  Nor is it something I want to.

My prayers are the same for Micah, although we are starting earlier with him.  It makes it easier that he has a big brother that he can watch as mom and dad teach Will about Christ.  These boys are such a gift, a gift that we actually never have complete possession of.  Gregg and I are trying to embrace the reality of that more and more each day and take precious care of these beautiful, albeit sinful, children God has entrusted to us.  May God give us the strength, wisdom, perseverance, humility, love, grace (and whatever else we may need) to be godly parents to these boys, and may He require our dependency while doing it.