Don't Wait

Just as a warning...this post may be full of cliches, but there's a reason people say these sorts of things.  I am notorious for feeling convicted about saying something to someone and never doing it (I guess now you know the dirty truth).  The root of the problem is pride.  I am an INCREDIBLY prideful person and I absolutely hate it.  It is something I pray about constantly, but feel like I never really get anywhere with it.  Even worse, I'm more prideful with people that are closest to me.  So a lot of things that should be said get left unsaid.

So a few weeks ago, I got this overwhelming sense that I need to write Eric a long email or letter or whatever to just encourage him in his situation, tell him some things that I had been thinking about, and thank him for his part in Gregg's salvation (if you don't know, God used Eric in big ways for this purpose).  Guess what...I never did it.  I got "too busy" or whatever.  Either way, it ended up with me having to tell him while he's sedated and on a ventilator.  I have no idea if he heard me and if he did I have no idea if he understood me.  What is wrong with me that I can't tell someone something like this until it's pretty much too late?  What is so bad about someone knowing how you feel about them?  It makes you vulnerable...why is that such a bad thing?

I guess this is me feeling guilty for not doing what I know I was supposed to do.  I wish I could say this is a lone instance, but that would be untruthful.  So my whole point to this is (here's the cliche) - don't wait.  Don't wait to tell someone that you love them.  Don't wait to open yourself up to them and let them know how you feel.  Don't wait to make yourself available to them for whatever.  Don't use the excuse that you're too busy, or the kids have this, or whatever.  Find time.  Make time.  Seriously...don't wait.

So Glad We Came...

So we made it.  After 19+ hours of driving we are finally here in Louisiana.  The boys did great...actually a lot better than I did but I think that's because they were able to sleep.  I can never get good sleep in the car.  I'm not going to give too many details as of right now, because I'm not really sure if they're mine to give, but I want to give you all ways you can be praying for the whole Schmidt family right now.

We came down here on an unplanned visit.  (I am so thankful I have a boss that so graciously allowed me to go - even on my first week of work.)  Eric had a procedure to help him breathe better the other day...a fairly routine procedure, but it did require him to be put on a ventilator.  The procedure went fine, but it has been proving difficult to get him off the vent, hence our visit.  I will say that things are happening very quickly and they don't look good.  Please, please pray for strength for the family right now.  Especially Eric's wife Laura, but also for Gregg and his parents.  We know God is in control here...he is the author of our lives and none of this has happened outside of his sovereignty.  We want to praise him during this time, but it is hard to have joy when things just don't feel very joyful.  Pray for comfort for everyone and that we remember we are here to glorify our maker.  Eric did that every day, and we want to do the same.

My Poor Sick Baby

Look at this poor little guy.  He has something coming from almost every orifice in his head.  Thank goodness nothing from the ears yet.  He woke up yesterday with some mattery eyes, but was otherwise himself.  Today he's got a fever, more gunk, and he just wants to be held by his momma.  "Why is that a bad thing?" you ask.  It's not, but it took me a little bit to get it through my task-oriented, thick head that the toy room doesn't have to be organized today.  But wait, Gregg is coming home tomorrow and I want the house... No.  Pick up the sweet baby and just hold him.  As I scurried around the kitchen getting our lunch ready, I was making a mental to-do list for the afternoon.  Then I looked down at this little man just staring up at me.  His eyes screaming, 'pick me up!'  My first thought was, "Really, Micah...now?  I have so much to do!"  I almost broke rule #2 of mini-marathon training (see previous post).  Almost, but not quite.  Okay, Buddy, let's just rock.

Mini-Marathon Training - Laying the Ground Rules

So I've decided to run a mini-marathon in June.  This decision didn't come about without some major thought, mind you.  Many of you know I ran a full marathon when Will was a year old, but since then haven't done any competitive running.  Or really any running for that matter.  To be honest I've missed it.  It gives me time to process my thoughts, pray, or just veg out.  And anyone who has done any sort of competitive event like this will tell you there's nothing like it.  It was awesome to have people sit out on their porch, watch you run by, and cheer you on as you're in the midst of this mental and physical challenge.  I've been waiting to do another one...the timing just hasn't been right.  Well I took one look in the mirror this morning (YIKES) and decided it was time.  So today is Day 1 of Mini-Marathon training.  I decided since I have a husband, two little guys, work, and a relationship with God (should have listed that first) I need to set some ground rules before I get too far into it.  So here they are...

1.  Before I can do my daily run, I HAVE to read my Bible.  I'm not talking sit down for five minutes and check it off the list.  I'm talking meaningful time in the Word with prayer and meditation.  This may mean getting up at 4am - I'm still a nursing momma and there are also days I have to work at 7am.  I think my theme song will be Jeremy Camp's "Give Me Jesus" - you know..."In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus."

2.  I have to put the needs of my family first.  That means running when the kids are asleep or playing well by themselves.  This is happening more and more...last year I couldn't get five minutes in without Will getting so frustrated with a toy that he practically had a melt down.  I did have to stop today to wipe his bottom - comes with the territory! :)

3.  I will not let it be a stressor to my husband.  Gregg is great, and he fully supported me when I ran my first marathon.  When it got to my longer runs, that meant four hours at home while I just ran.  Thankfully I'm just doing the mini this time, so that cuts everything in half.  But if it in any way causes strain, I am making a commitment right now to stop.

4.  This is about being healthy, so I have to eat healthy, too.  I can't say, "I ran today, I can go to Culver's."  That is unless Gregg is craving a butter burger, which happens from time to time.  Even then, I vow to get soup and/or a side salad. 

5.  I have to keep my house in good order.  This means keeping up on the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc.  This really doesn't take much time if I just stay on top of it...that's usually where the problem lies. 

There's lots more, but in the interest of not boring everyone to death, I'll stop here.  I am going to ask something of you, though.  KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE!!  The first question I'd like you to ask me when/if you see me is, "Did you read your Bible today?"  Then, "Did you run today?"  Those are the two questions of necessity.  Feel free to ask me anything else pertaining to these rules as well, including how LONG I ran.  Last but not least, meet my running buddy!

Anybody who knows this kid is aware he is a runnin' fool!  He loves to run and have his turn on the treadmill after mommy's done.  Hopefully he'll keep this love of running and maybe be my real running buddy one day...although he'd probably smoke me!  I can only hope!

Bye-Bye, Retail!

I will start this post with a warning...it will probably be incredibly boring to those non-pharmacist types.  Maybe it will even be boring for the pharmacist types - oh, well!  Anyway, I'm actually doing it...I'm making the change from retail to hospital.  My whole entire pharmacy life has been retail aside from the few short months I spent at St. E in Lafayette during my year of rotations.  As a student I worked at the same CVS for almost five years and I LOVED it.  I knew the patients and a lot of them knew me.  I loved my bosses (most of them), I loved my coworkers, I even loved my pharmacy supervisors.  If someone had told me back then that I would eventually hate working in retail, I would've told them that they were crazy.  Oh, wait.  Someone did tell me that.  I had a certain preceptor who liked to share his opinion...I won't name names, some of you may know him! ;)  (On a side note, he was probably the best preceptor I had and a friend, so no negativity intended here!)  Anyway, he told me story upon story of his experiences in retail and how he hated coming home feeling like he wanted to hit somebody in the head with a baseball bat.  I told him that would never happen to me...well, fast forward to the present and guess what.  He was right.  I have grown to hate retail.  Now, wait.  Hate is a pretty strong word...whatever would be a few notches under hate would be more appropriate.  You pick the word...I'm not an English major.  Either way, the time has come for retail and I to part ways.  Gone are my big ambitions to change the way people take their medication, have a physician take me seriously as a health care professional in a community setting, or to form those deep, lasting bonds with my patients that I so hoped for coming out of school.  I have tried, but I got put into the wrong store for that, and I am burned out.  So after a much needed week off I will begin my career as a hospital pharmacist.  The learning curve will be steep, but it will definitely be worth it.  It's possible that I may return to retail one day.  Never say never, right?  Right now, though, it's just time for a change. 

Random Will

So I got a new camera for Christmas, and I've been trying to take a bunch of pictures to try and figure out all the ins and outs of this thing.  I feel a little guilty because as I look over my pics, they are mostly of Micah.  But then I remember the reason for that...Will HATES to have his picture taken all of a sudden.  It used to be that whenever you pulled the camera out he was all smiles, but now it's, "No, mom, no, no, NO!"  So I have to try and be sneaky, but since I'm not used to this camera yet he usually discovers me before I have a chance to get a decent picture.  I guess I'll have to get more creative.  Here are just a few of the random shots I have been able to capture of him over the past few days....

 Will and his new favorite toy - the piggy bank...this kid just might be a banker.  He's always asking me for money now.  I had no idea how early it started.

 This picture just reminds me he's not a baby anymore.  He's turning into such a little man!

 This is mostly what I get now when I try to get a posed picture.  Not good for anyone.

 Thanks, Grandma Schmidt for the Toy Story puzzles!

 Yet another Buzz Lightyear sighting.  He frequents our house often.

 I know this one is kind of like cheating, but I have to take every opportunity I get to capture his angelic moments...they're pretty few and far between!

 Trying to hide from the camera.

 Ah, there's a nice smile!

 Lovin' on Micah.

Snugglin' with dad....sweet boy.

Talking A Lot About Cheez-Its

It's a tough job being a mommy...one of the hardest, if not the hardest I've ever had.  As parents we have a huge responsibility to raise the "godly offspring" God desires as told to us in Malachi.  This is a responsibility I've been taking a much harder look at lately...wondering exactly how I can do this.  Especially being a mom that works out of the home.  I think I've mentioned before that I've struggled a lot with this role.  It's something I've prayed about, cried about, and talked a lot about with my husband, but right now Gregg feels it's best I continue to work.  This is in no way meant to bad mouth my husband.  As the spiritual leader and decision maker for our family, I completely trust him.  So I am learning to accept and embrace this role, but it's coming with a lot of learning and growing. 

Oh, Will...To be completely honest, our approach to parenting for these first few years has been passive.  Gregg and I did not do a great job of speaking to Will about God, His love for us, and our absolute need for Him.  I figured, "He's little.  He won't understand.  We'll start when he's older."  Then it was, "Oh, he's speech delayed.  He won't understand.  We'll start when he catches up a little more."  I have been finding more and more reasons to avoid the responsibility and it has to stop...NOW!  The fact is this kid understands more than I realize, and the Bible clearly tells us to speak with our children about God...ALL THE TIME (Deut 6:7).  So whether or not I think he's able to understand, it's my responsibility to teach him about the wonders of God and all that goes along with that.  After that, God has to do the rest.  So, Will and I have been talking a lot more about Jesus lately.  And usually the conversation ends up being about Will's love for Cheez-Its...loving Jesus, loving Cheez-Its.  I guess it's all the same to him right now.  But I have to keep trying, and SHOWING him God's love by LIVING it myself, and praying for understanding for this dear, sweet little boy that I so desire to have with me in heaven one day.  When I think about the alternative, I realize I have NO OPTION other than to fulfill my responsibility as a mom...and I have to do it while working...it's not something I can delegate.  Nor is it something I want to.

My prayers are the same for Micah, although we are starting earlier with him.  It makes it easier that he has a big brother that he can watch as mom and dad teach Will about Christ.  These boys are such a gift, a gift that we actually never have complete possession of.  Gregg and I are trying to embrace the reality of that more and more each day and take precious care of these beautiful, albeit sinful, children God has entrusted to us.  May God give us the strength, wisdom, perseverance, humility, love, grace (and whatever else we may need) to be godly parents to these boys, and may He require our dependency while doing it.