...to sell our big house. This is a big one for us, folks. Something that has been years in the making. No, we're not moving out of the area...although sometimes I miss IN so much I want to go back! No, we're just trying to be obedient to what we feel God has led us to do.
Scene. It was summer of 2009. I had just graduated. We had just moved from IN to SD and were living in an apartment that we were quickly growing out of. The plan was to stay there a few months as we looked for our perfect house...you know, the one you're going to live in forever and pass down to your children so they can pass it down to their children and...you get the picture, right? We looked at close to forty houses and found flaws with each one of them. I can't believe our realtor stayed with us, actually... :-/ It was too small, or it was settling, or there was no backyard, or whatever. We got so good at picking out the things we thought were "wrong" with the house, it seemed we were unable to see any of the positives in them. We told ourselves there was no way we could live with less than 3000 square feet, or oak cabinets, and six-panel solid wood doors were a must. The more houses we looked at, the more our priorities got skewed. Wait...let's back up a bit.
Scene. I was in pharmacy school and we were dreaming of what our life would be like once I was finally done. We talked about how it would be ideal if I could work two or maybe three days a week. But even though I would be working, we planned to live off Gregg's salary so if for some reason I ended up not working we would be okay. And in doing that it would free up my salary for things that were important to us...like giving uninhibitedly. It was all planned out....it would be perfect. Back to 2009.
Hiccup number one - my job offer was for a full-time position. Okay, we knew this might happen. We'll roll with it and in a few months to a year see if I can go part-time. No big deal. Hiccup number two - we weren't finding that perfect house in our original price range so we kept going up and up...and up, and up, and up. Numbers we once thought were astronomical to spend on a house were left in the dust on our way to finding The One. Hiccup number three - I had suffered a miscarriage in the apartment and I made an association between the two that was hard for me to get over. Being there was a constant reminder of the loss. We had to get out.
Enter our current home. We thought about it...and went over the numbers...and thought about it some more. Now if there's one thing that Gregg and I hate, it's debt. We made the decision to buy the house only if we could pay it off in less than 10 years, otherwise it just wasn't worth it to us. So we looked at the numbers again and knew it was possible...so we bought.
It's a good house. Very well built and full of the things we wanted. We compromised on some things - like the purple carpet - AARRGGHH!! Don't get me started. But all in all, it was beautiful. It seemed to be the right decision, but I always felt a little...off. I blamed it on the interesting paint colors or the chandelier in the dining room...once I change it, it will feel more like home...right?
Wrong. The feeling didn't go away. Gregg and I found ourselves explaining why we had such a big house to everyone that entered our home. This is funny because no one ever said anything about it. Does this speak of some sort of conviction? Hmmm.... Once Micah came along, that unsettled feeling seemed to grow and grow. I was still working full time and just as my maternity leave was ending, I realized...I want to be at home with my babies. That's okay, right? I just won't go back to work. Oh, wait...we had our 10 year plan. This won't work. So I went back to work, and we stayed on track. Over the next year and a half we played around with my schedule...trying to come up with some sort of compromise that would allow me to be at home more often and pay down our mortgage. I went three days a week, switched jobs, went full time again, then part time again, then 7 on-7 off overnights, then part time again. My schedule was so jacked up the kids (or I, for that matter) didn't know if we were coming or going. Not ideal.
Scene. It's 2012. Over the past year and a half we've been through a lot of....stuff. Eric's death, marital difficulties, a church change, an RA diagnosis for momma, and a PDD-NOS diagnosis for Will....I'm sure I'm leaving something out. All of this combined with exponential spiritual growth for both Gregg and I (more so Gregg) has led us to this decision to sell our home. We love this house, and the truth is even though it's been a constant "issue" since we moved in, I'm finding myself right smack in the middle of a war...a war between the flesh and what I know needs to be done. We need to sell our house.
Please know that I don't think there is anything wrong with a larger house, or wood floors, or a huge yard. As I've often said, it comes back to a heart issue. We had to ask ourselves, "At what cost?" At the cost of me shuffling my boys to daycare, to grandma's, to school, to... and all the while feeling the strain between the professional me and the mommy me. It wasn't working for us...our hearts weren't right. So we're taking the first step...we're selling the house.
Please pray for us during this time. That God would give us peace to know we're doing the right thing. That He would provide a buyer. That He would give us patience once we start looking for our new home and a sense of contentment once we find it. We so appreciate your prayers...we need them.
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