By the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of Our Testimony

Have you ever known someone who you looked up to because they were what you wanted to be as a Christian?  They seemed to do everything right and always had a right perspective on life - both the ups and downs.  Then one day you heard their testimony and it absolutely floored you.  Floored you because it was full of a crazy life so far from God that if you had met them during that time you would have chalked them up as a lost cause.  Does hearing that testimony nullify what you had thought of them before you heard it?  Does it make you rethink what you know of God and His people?  Or did it confirm and maybe even enhance what you know to be true?  That He is an all powerful God capable of bringing anyone through the pit of despair and into a saving faith in Jesus Christ.  Your faith was most likely strengthened and maybe there was someone else who heard that testimony and for the first time saw the power of God at work in a tangible way.

All too often I am silent.  I don't share what God has done for me for a number of reasons.  I don't want to look stupid in from of my super smart, super educated friends and family.  I don't want to be seen as a "hypocrite" because of the life I used to live or even because of the shortcomings I am still guilty of today.  I don't want to be confrontational.  I don't want to be asked something that I won't know the answer to...after all my Bible knowledge isn't what it should be.  Sound familiar?  So I stay silent and in my silence I am robbed of the power of my testimony.  Revelation 12:11 says, "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony."  Who is "him"?  Satan.  We overcome Satan because of the sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross (blood of the Lamb) and by our testimony about Jesus...who He is and what He has done for us.  So I will not be silent...here is my testimony...

I grew up in a Christian home. Both of my parents are believers and we were regular church attenders.  I remember accepting Christ into my life at an early age, but for whatever reason during my teen years I walked away.  I don't think I was a particularly "bad kid" (I guess you can ask my parents), but I did not seek God and had absolutely no desire to.  When I got to college I took advantage of the absence of parental guidance and kind of went a little crazy.  Partying became a regular part of my life.  Although I worked hard and did well in school, I played even harder...and I seemed to get away with it without consequence.  Just reinforcement to my behavior.  Some people can't stand the feeling of being drunk...being out of control.  I loved it.  I was never a super outgoing person.  I was always self-conscious and quiet, but alcohol gave me a gateway to be who I thought I wanted to be...like I could be myself while full of a mind-altering, foreign substance.  Like I said, it seemed to be without consequence and so I kept going.  By the end of my undergraduate career I was going out (or drinking at home) about 4 to 5 nights a week and there didn't seem to be an end in sight...nor did I want there to be one.

Soon after graduation Gregg and I were married and we moved to Lafayette, IN.  Moving to a place where we knew absolutely no one sent me into a state of almost depression and the only way I knew to get out of it was to drink...and this time it wasn't for fun...it was because I didn't know what else to do.  I thought it was the solution.  Gregg went a different direction.  We had started attending a church...a really good Bible-believing, Bible-teaching church and Gregg was growing...changing.  It was obvious he had put his faith and hope in Jesus Christ, and I didn't like it one bit.  Remember, I grew up in a home where I was taught that God was the Creator of the universe.  I believed this...I just had no desire to let Him have any part in my life, and the fact that Gregg was letting Him in really ticked me off.  I thought he wasn't the man I married anymore...he's too different...maybe I made a mistake.

The funny thing is he didn't shove Jesus down my throat.  He didn't tell me over and over again that I needed to make a change.  He just kept growing, and I just kept pulling away.  Kept finding any excuse I could to keep drinking.  Remember those consequences I though I had escaped?  Well they began to show up...elevated liver enzymes, extreme weight gain, and anxiety that began to creep in ever so silently and then proceed to take over every single corner of my mind.  I was in that pit...so far down with no way out except to drink more...or end it all.  Although this thought never came close to fruition, you better believe it crossed my mind.  I kept on in a downward spiral until one day laying on the couch so caught up in my own anxieties and self-pity I finally decided that enough was enough.  What I was doing wasn't working for me.  The drinking...the anxiety medication...trying to hold on to the life I used to have - the one I thought I wanted.  God finally showed me the emptiness of my ways.  It was almost as if He was asking me, "What are you waiting for?  You're looking for a way out...lay it down."  It was that day I decided to lay my burdens down at the feet of Jesus and surrender my life to Him.  You know something?  I woke up the next morning without that constant desire to have a drink in my hand.  I woke up with a peace I had never before experienced...like a burden had been lifted...a burden I was never meant to bear.

Now I'm not saying that I've never again felt the urge to drink after that...I'm not even saying I never got drunk again.  I'm not saying my life has been void of troubles or that sin isn't a common occurrence in my life.  The difference is, I look to Jesus.  I have realized I am a sinner.  I've turned it over to God, asked for forgiveness, and accepted the gift...the free gift of God's grace, and now I am free.  I am not bound by sin and death.  It has been covered.  I am forgiven.  Does this give me a license to sin?  Absolutely not.  Why would I mock my Savior and purposefully sin because I know "it's covered"?  Like I have a spiritual Get Out Of Jail Free card in my pocket.  That's not the way it works.  While sin is unfortunately still a part of my life (Paul says in Romans, "For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."), my daily goal is to take up my cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23).  I want to live my life worthy of my calling (Ephesians 4:1)...a life pleasing to the Lord.

Even as I write this I am having second thoughts on posting it...what if "so-and-so" sees this?  Huh.  Did you know there is a pastor over in Iran who is awaiting his execution because he will not renounce his faith in Christ?  And I'm worried about a coworker or an old college friend seeing this and thinking I'm an idiot...seems ridiculous doesn't it?  So I will post it.  I will not be silent.  I will tell people what God has done for me.