But as I stand here today facing the start of a lifelong journey with rheumatoid arthritis, I have an overwhelming sense of peace with His timing...actually it's more of an amazement with His timing. I've thought a lot about why I got this diagnosis when I did...I'm so young...I have two active little boys...this doesn't seem right. I've also prayed about this a lot, and God again proved Himself faithful. He answered my prayers in such a way that I've been able to experience God's sovereignty in a whole other way.
I recently did Beth Moore's Revelation study (which, by the way is wonderful!!). One of the whole points of the study was to daily ask God to give you a personal revelation, whether it be through a passage of scripture, a song, a sermon...whatever...a revelation giving you a little better glimpse of who He is. She talked about the time when Jesus was sleeping in the stern of the boat during a raging storm. The disciples, afraid woke Jesus and begged Him to save them. He got up, rebuked the wind and waves and they obeyed Him. The scripture says the disciples were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this?" Who is this? These men knew Him. They were with Him all the time. They knew John the Baptist's testimony about Him. James and John were Jesus' cousins. Yet they ask, "Who is this?"
Do you ever have those moments? When you're plugging along in life, you've been a Christian for X number of years, you know who He is, and then He stops you in your tracks and you have to ask, "Who is this?" I've only had a few in my life, but they are humbling when they happen. Looking back I realized that many of my "why now" questions that I asked when I found out about my RA were pretty selfish. Why now, Lord? Why are you giving this to me now? After wrestling with these questions for a while, the thought came to my mind, "What if it had been two years ago?" Hmmmm...let me think.
Two years ago, we hadn't yet heard about Eric's cancer. Watching a family go through the death of a loved one at such a young age really puts things in perspective. It makes something like RA look like the common cold. Two years ago RA would have been devastating...faith shaking news. Two years ago? Would I have glorified God in this two years ago or would I be stuck in a state of self pity?
Two years ago. I was working in a retail pharmacy. A 10-hour, stand on your feet all day because if you sit down it's bad customer service job. I think about the pain it causes me to stand any length of time now and how there is no way I'd survive one shift in a retail pharmacy. I think about how God provided the job at the hospital where I can sit for the majority of my time. Is His timing not amazing?
Let's push this back a little further...three years. Our little Micah Moo wouldn't be in the picture yet. The drug I'm taking for my RA is a pregnancy category X...that means it causes birth defects and many women taking this medication have miscarriages. Now you can stop taking your meds if you want to get pregnant, but Micah was a...ummm...surprise. We weren't planning for him...we may never had met him if this came on three years ago.
When I think about the timing of the events of the past year I can't help but be amazed and think, "Who is this?" Who is this that knows us so well that He times events in our life perfectly so we can get a little more insight into who He is? Who is this that works out the details so in the end He is glorified? Who is this? He is the God of the universe and Lord of my life...I find rest in Him.
Martha, I'm so blessed by your blogs. You're an encouragement to me. I'm doing the Revelation study now. I like the way Beth Moore does it. You definitely have a way with words. Blessings to you.
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