Without Gregg For Christmas

So I just said good-bye to my husband on Christmas Day so he could go south to be with his brother.  We found out yesterday that things have taken another turn for the worse and the cancer has most likely spread again.  This brings up so many different emotions in me...so many that it's hard to stand my humanity...if that makes sense.  I feel anger...anger that God is doing this, anger that it's taking away my husband on Christmas, anger that I have to scramble to find childcare while he's gone and I'm a work, anger that I have a job that makes it virtually impossible for me to go as well.  I feel sadness...my heart breaks for Laura - to have to go through this with a husband and at such a young age, for Landon - will he remember his father?, for Eric - I can't even begin to imagine the things going through his head right now, for Gregg and his parents.  I feel wronged - why am I the only one spending Christmas alone and why am I responsible for childcare when they're his kids, too?  See what I mean...humanity.  It's a nasty thing that takes the focus off of where it's supposed to be and puts it right where it's not...on me.  THIS IS CHRISTMAS!!!  What is it all about?  We've kidded ourselves into thinking it's about family, and kids, and cookies, and Santa, and big dinners, and...you fill in the blank.  Even as Christians this becomes a struggle.  While those things are nice, it's NOT about those things.  This day is about God loving us SO much that he chose to send His only Son to be a savior for us.  No matter what's going on in this world, the ultimate reality is that Jesus came, lived, taught, died, and CONQUERED DEATH...why?  So that we could be with Him for eternity...IF we put our faith and trust in Him.  Big and necessary IF.  Reality is we cannot take part in this promise and be with Him if we continue to follow our own heart and fail to submit to His authority.  We have to realize and acknowledge our absolute need for Him...whatever is going on in our lives...each and every day.  And then we have to give the reigns over to Him in EVERY part of our lives. 

So as I sit here on Christmas Day with just me and my boys, I am thankful that God sent Jesus.  I am repenting of my humanity and sinful nature.  I am so glad that God chose me to be His child.