Super Heroes!

We had two super heroes move into our house today.  I feel so much safer with these two watch dogs under my roof!  

Truth is these capes have been a long time coming.  A friend made some capes for her kids a while back and when Will saw the pictures he freaked!  "I need one!"  He actually forgot about it for a long time then for some reason all of a sudden capes were all the rage again.  He didn't mention the super cool capes he had seen online, though...just started making a cape out of his blanket or jacket or anything else that remotely resembled one.  It was me who decided that I needed to make him one.  "Why not just buy him one?" you ask.  Psssh.  Why make things easy?

You may recall that I don't sew.  I've always wanted to...just never had the time or patience to learn.  Oh, and I didn't have the extra cash lying around to just go out and buy a machine.  Enter my mother-in-law.  It was either Gregg or I who mentioned to her in passing that I might want to learn at some point.  Well, this was apparently her cue.  Sewing...well, quilting really is something near and dear to her heart.  So long story short, within six months she had me set up with not only my own machine but also most of the tools I needed to begin my career as a seamstress.  (Totally not what I expected nor was this my ever my intent, but thanks, Rita!)

Of course that one small detail still remained unaddressed.  I didn't know the first thing about sewing...seriously...what's a bobbin?  She offered to give me a tutorial but we were in the middle of a move and it fell by the wayside.  Okay, this is only half true.  I wanted to actually learn a little about sewing before I sat down with her because I didn't want to look completely lost...or really completely stupid.  We're being honest here, right?  Kind of like giving yourself a mini-pedicure before going to the salon to get your full-blown, pamper yourself pedicure.  You don't want the lady giving you a foot massage and painting your toes to know how dry and neglected your feet really are...right? I'm not the only one, am I?

So I found this basic and pretty thorough tutorial on...you guessed it...Pinterest!!!  It was supposed to be a four week tutorial but as soon as Will found out what I was doing the game changed a bit.  Now I don't know how well you know Will, but he can be pretty persistent.  I was constantly being asked when I'm going to learn to make his cape and it was always in this incredibly sweet and innocent sounding "what's so hard about it?" tone.  Okay, buddy...but only 'cuz I love ya!

So I sped up my lesson schedule and maybe even skipped a few (*cough*- half) of the lessons I thought might be irrelevant to my project.  And then to buy fabric.  Holy cow that's a whole different world!  I knew they had to be shiny because what self-respecting super hero has a felt cape, right?  No offense if you wear a felt cape...I'm sure you're totally legit.  Anyway, as I was shopping all these satiny materials were slipping out of my arms and I knew I was in waaaay over my head.  First sewing project AND satin.  Idiot.  But I'm stubborn, I mean, determined, so I pressed on.  And finally after a lot of hours of pressing and cutting (the material and my fingers...ouch!) and stitching (I can thread my own machine...yay!...and take it apart...long story) and well, (still being honest?) a few not so choice words (under my breath...I've got a couple of parrots in the house...super hero parrots, that is) the capes were born!!!

And they are a HUGE hit!  Well, not so much with Micah at first.  It took some coaxing to get him to put it on.  There was a lot of high pitched squealing and screeching (ugh, all too common lately), but I finally told him he could fly off the couch and that sold him.

And this is how we spent our night.  Super T-Bone (aka Will - he gave himself this name...what?) and The Incredible Crotch-Grabbing Nose Picker (aka Micah...scroll through the pics and you'll see what I'm talking about).  Jumping, oh sorry, flying off the couch over and over and over and overandoverandoverandover again.  This house hasn't been full of that many giggles in a long time, and giggles are pretty frequent around here.

So all this hard work was worth it.  Two crazy boys running around in capes is just reassurance to me that I'd do it all over again if they asked me...or maybe even it they don't.  So I'll sleep peacefully tonight knowing that in the other room there are two crime-fighting, bad-guy stopping, booger-flicking (sorry, I'll stop) supers ready to take on the world.  In the words of Will...I mean Super T-Bone, "Super heroes to the rescue!!!"

Memory Lane

Please tell me this isn't happening. How could this be happening?  He just turned two.  His independence just began to emerge.  He just learned how to walk...oh, wait.  That was like over a year ago.  How come I remember it like it was yesterday?  

But alas, it is happening.  After putting on more than one pair of 2T pants that barely skimmed the top of his shoes, I succumbed to the fact that it was time to pull out the 3T clothes for my littlest man.  Oh, Micah Moo...how can this be?  Well, he is a hoss.  I'm always kind of puzzled at his well child check-ups when they tell me he's only in like the 75th percentile for weight...then why does my arm feel like it's on fire and about to fall off after holding him for 30 seconds?  Are you sure you're not looking at the four-year-old growth charts?  Okay, just checking....

So I expected a full morning of pulling totes out of storage (YAY!!!!), and sorting, and washing, and Micah unsorting.  What I didn't expect was the all-too-vivid stroll down Memory Lane that I got.  I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I'm not a super-sentimental person.  I don't save much from special events.  Sure there are a few things, like every card or letter Gregg's ever given me.  Go ahead...say it...."Awwwww!"  But I don't keep every single craft project the boys have ever done.  Will's baby book is half (maybe) done.  Micah's baby book?  MIA.  Wait...did I ever get one for him?  Oops.  Sorry, buddy!  And I definitely don't have any locks of hair from their first hair cuts.  Looks like I'll be out of luck if I ever need to clone them.  Too weird?  Sorry.

Anyway, where was I?  Oh, yes.  Memory Lane.  Strollin'.  I pulled out all these clothes that were attached to so many memories.  Some things I hadn't thought about in years.  When Will was wearing these clothes, we were just finding out about his developmental delays and flashbacks of his first evaluation came to my mind.  Kind of an emotional time...he was crying, ipso facto I was crying...no...bawling in front of perfect strangers.  Can I forget about this?  Please?  Going through these clothes made me grieve that "normal" life and "normal" child I had dreamed of and hoped for. 

And then I opened the second tote and there were some things in there that were apparently even too significant for my unsappy self to throw away.  Like baby shirts with the names of our alma maters reminding me that I was still in school when we had our first.  A plan that seemed to make perfect sense at the time, but...can I offer some advice here?  DON'T PLAN ON HAVING A KID IN PHARMACY SCHOOL!!!!  It's just not smart.  I can remember having our birth control lectures while I was pregnant and my professor saying, "Now you all know about birth control so there won't be any unplanned pregnancies next year, right?"  Although I wasn't the only one pregnant in my class, I felt like all eyes turned toward me.  I wanted to stand up and shout, "Hey! This was planned.  Maybe it's stupid, but it was planned!"  I decided to keep my mouth shut. :)

Oh, and how about this one?  I'm pretty sure I bought it before Micah was born.  I may have even bought it when I was pregnant before Micah...the time I miscarried.  That miscarriage put me on guard.  Helped me to put up a wall around my heart that I'm still working on tearing down.  It taught me never to buy for the new little one before they arrive, because you never know what's going to happen.  But eventually it did get worn and as you can see in the picture, it was well-loved.  Those spit up and blow-out stains prove it! 

Aren't those puppy dog eyes too much?

And then there was one of my maternity shirts that a friend gave me for Christmas when I was pregnant with Will.  Just a white t-shirt with the word "boy" in baby blue on the front.  When she gave me the shirt it made me laugh (and cry a little...stupid hormones) because we were in the midst of a bit of a sex mix-up.  One ultra-sound said for SURE boy...see the turtle?  The other?  99% positive it's a girl...there's the hamburger right there.  Don't worry, you "I don't have any kids yet" readers...you'll know what I'm talking about when you have your 20 week ultrasound with your first.  When I pulled the shirt out this time it made me a little sad because it reminded me that I will never be pregnant again and will most likely never hold a baby of my own again.  With my RA and the drugs I'm taking, Gregg and I decided we won't be having any more kids...not bios anyway.  We're going to leave the option of adoption (nice ring, right?) open and pray that God gives us the wisdom to know if and when the time is right.

And then this one...

Sorry for the crooked pics.  My computer's freaking out on me and I don't have the time to figure out the problem.  Anyway, for those that don't want to strain their necks trying to read this it says, "Life is good when you've got an uncle like mine!"  This was one of Eric's first presents for Will.  He was crazy about that kid and it pains me that he won't get to do all the fun uncle stuff with Will and Micah as they grow up.  But this is only a fraction of the pain felt when I think that he won't get to do all the fun daddy stuff with Landon as he grows up. 

So many painful memories.  So many things I'd like to forget.  All these reminders that life happens and it almost never turns out how we thought it would.  But these clothes were attached to some pretty good memories, too.  

Like the wonderful team at Birth to Three that helped us learn more about Will and his delays and more importantly how we could start to work through them and possibly eventually overcome them.  It led to Will learning how to communicate with us and us being able to watch as he turned into a pretty cool, fun-loving kid. 

Like how much love we were shown from those around us as we started our family.  A lot of the clothes I pulled out today were hand-me-downs or gifts and I was humbled by how God has used our friends and families in our lives.  It also reminded me that those 2T clothes that I'm pulling out of Micah's closet should be given to a family that looks a lot like ours did five years ago.

Like how we have a bunch of great memories with Uncle Eric and pictures for the boys to remember him by.  And even though we may not ever be able to understand God's ways and why He took Eric when He did, we are confident and have seen evidence that Laura and Landon will be taken care of.  His plan is perfect even when we can't see it.

So many harsh memories and yet so many reminders that God is sufficient for us.  He alone is enough, despite all the crap (for lack of a better word) that seems to be going on around us.  This life will always be full of disappointments and heartaches, but He is with us through all of it.  He promises to never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).  That is, if you have put your trust Him.  If you have put your faith in Him.  If you have proclaimed Him as Lord of your life.  So have you?

 

Oh, yeah...I also found Micah's Halloween costume for this year.  Fitting because his M.O. lately has been walking around grabbing his - ahem - crotch and growling... "I a wion!!!"  Super cute!  Aside from the crotch-grabbing thing.  We'll work on that. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." 

 ~Matthew 11:28

The DIY Monster

DIY: the art of doing it yourself

I'm not an artsy, creative person.  Problem is I want to be.  My mom is long-standing cross-stitch extraordinaire and card maker.  My mother-in-law has crazy quilting skills.  I have friends that are stellar in the cake-making arena or those that can whip out a, well, picture-perfect scrapbook without even thinking about it.  Every once in a while I see something they've done and I think, "Hey...I can do that!"

And then I try.  And inevitably whatever it was I set out to do just doesn't turn out how it looked in my head.  And I crawl back into my not-so-crafty hole and I'm content for a while longer.  Until I found the catalyst.  This catalyst can in one instance turn me from the cool, calm, and collected "I don't care if I'm crafty or not" Dr. Bruce Banner into the ultra-aggressive, out of control "I can DIY this place to the ground" Incredible Hulk.  Now you may be asking yourself, "What's this catalyst you speak of?"  Oh, I'll tell you...

...Pinterest.  I first heard of this Pinterest about a year ago and after learning the premise I told myself, "Nope...not gonna do it."  I know myself too well and I knew that once I got started, it would be too hard to stop.  But I'm only human and I give in to peer pressure so easily (dang it!).  "It's awesome" they said.  "There are so many great ideas" they said.  Huh. Well, I caved and unfortunately they were right.

This whole new world of DIY was before me with the luring "You don't have to buy that. You can make it and it will be so much cheaper and you'll feel like you accomplished something and...."  HULK SMASH!!!  The DIY Monster was born.

Notice I don't say Queen.  Queen would imply I have some sort of rule over the DIY world.  No, this is more of an involuntary reaction to too much Pinterest.  I'm just browsing along, then all of a sudden I have to make a cape for my boys when I don't even know how to sew a hem, redecorate each and every one of my various living spaces, paint every piece of furniture in my house...or better yet make some furniture so I get exactly what I want.  Enter Gregg.

"You took shop class in high school, right? Why can't you make me an entertainment center that looks exactly like it does in my head?  What do you mean you need to research furniture making...the plans are right here on Joe Schmoe's blog?  What do you mean you need tools...we have a hacksaw, don't we?"  Slowly back away, Gregg...the green monster is about to make an appearance. 

But he's so sweet.  He appeases me and my want to be creative.  He has those encouraging phrases like, "Don't worry, babe...it's not going to be perfect the first time you try it."  Oh, really?  (Here's where my stubbornness comes into the picture.)  Well, then...I'm just going to keep trying until it is perfect.  He sighs and goes right along with it...although he has mentioned the need for a Pinterest Intervention once or twice...

My latest project?  We need some end tables for the family room.  Our house has been monochromatic for so long that I thought something with a little color would be just what my home-decorating soul needed. So when I saw these bad boys at the local thrift store during Happy Hour (half off the entire store at Cornerstone Thrift Store every day from noon to one!), I thought, "Hey!  I can spiff these up with a fresh coat of paint and they'll be perfect!"

My thrift store gems

Gregg had a slightly different reaction when he saw 'em.  I don't remember the exact words, but it was somewhere along the lines of, "Hope you didn't pay too much for those ugly things."  Supportive, huh?  Can't a girl pick up some homely end tables for half price at the local thrift store without catching a bunch of flack for it?  Geesh!  Anyway, then I got this bright idea (from I don't know where) to do a stenciled design on them as well.  So I cut out some stencils on my Cricut and voila!

The original stencil job...actually a lot easier than I was picturing

Well, not quite "voila" yet...still quite a few steps to go from here.  Including a mishap.  Now one of the things that makes me a horrible DIYer is I'm impatient and sometimes lazy.  I like to cut corners even when I know the results can cost me more time (and sometimes money) in the end.  I learned the hard way that when you're painting some sort of design over another previously painted surface, it's best to lay your tape/stencil/whatever then paint a light coat of the base coat over it....kind of seals the deal sort of thing.  I painted some super cool stripes around the perimeter of Will's old bedroom and it ended up taking me two tries over three plus weeks because of this little omitted step.  But again...lazy.  I thought, "It'll be okay."  Was it?  Well...

And I botched it!

Now don't go thinking this blog is going to turn into one of those DIY tutorial blogs that are so popular these days (and frankly that I'm thankful for and my husband loathes).  No you won't find that here...far be it from me to steer fellow DIY monsters down the wrong path.  For all of you who thought I might be offering some advice, here's some: don't take any DIY advice I might think I have to offer.  It'll only cost you time and money and create frustration. 

Anyway, attempt #1 obviously didn't turn out as it should've.  Almost every individual design would've needed some touch up that I wasn't willing to execute.  But this does bring me to another Pinterest point...maybe I do have some advice to offer.  So you see the close up of the botched stencil job?  Here's a more bird's eye view.

Doesn't look so bad, does it?  It's a little harder to see all those imperfections from up here.  So here's that bit of advice for all of you that have been lured into a Pinterest project only to be disappointed in your sub-par performance: pictures can be deceiving.  That out-of focus, from far off documentation of their perfect project may not be so perfect.  That finish might not be as smooth, hem not as straight, upholstery not as tight as it appears to be...and then again it might be.

Anyway, my stubborn self and inability to wrangle the Hulk in me didn't let this be the end of it...no way.  So I re-sanded, re-primed, re-based-coated, re-stenciled, seal coated (no "re" here since I skipped this step the first time around), and re-painted.  I liked the original stencil pattern better, but I had to get a little creative here since I didn't want to use anymore of my vinyl up on this project...that stuff's expensive!

Attempt #2

The previously omitted step

And surprisingly they didn't turn out half bad.  Not what I originally pictured, but then again it never is. Oh, well.  At this point I have too much time invested to throw 'em out now.  So they're going to stay, and they're going to work....no matter how ugly Gregg might think they are...he hasn't seen the finished product yet...ha!  You can't see the rest of the family room...it's not done yet.  Give me a few more project days, then we'll talk!

The final product

Still needs more color...I can feel another project coming on!

  Hulk smash!

Hard Transitions

You may be wondering how Will's first day at school went...and you may not be, but I'm going to tell you anyway!  It went great!  Well, for the most part it went great, aside from him thinking the day was just too darn long and a bus/grandma pick-up mix up on the second day (sorry, mom!)...but nonetheless we all survived and he's actually still excited about going - yay!  But I can also tell there are going to be some tough transitions and routines that will need to be established to really get this school year off to a good start...like homework.

Will had his first homework assignment tonight and it really wasn't a tough one.  Good thing because we promised him we could go fishing after dinner (mistake number one...ha!...rookie parents).  An easy assignment is just what we needed tonight so we could finish up before eating and not interfere with our after dinner plans.  He had to come up with some items for a "Me Bag."  Just some things he enjoys that he could share with his teacher and friends to help them learn a little more about him.  Easy, right?

Geesh, I should know by now that when I have everything planned out perfectly and to the minute for me and my five-year-old (and don't forget to throw in the Crazy Micah-Man) things absolutely won't go according to that plan...at all.  As soon as we got in the door it was, "Mom, can I watch TV?"  Me, without thinking, "Sure."  Five minutes later realizing what I'd done, "Uh, no, buddy...we have homework."

Now every time...every single time I've said this to him in the past the response has been an over enthusiastic, "Okay, mom!  What do we have to do?"  I didn't quite get that reaction this time.  Maybe it was the fact that he'd been at school all day and was in brain-overload or maybe that he had just turned on The Incredibles (an all-out fave in the Schmidt house) or maybe the stars were aligned just right to cause a meltdown.  I don't know, but the reaction I got was, "Nooooooooo!!!!!!" accompanied by hysteric crying.

Now I don't know if you're a planner, but I'm a planner, and as we've already discussed our tight schedule for the evening, you know this wasn't part of the plan.  Not in the slightest.  First reaction?  Get up here and do your homework!!!!!!  The right reaction?  Don't think so.  It just led to more hysterics and crying which usually pushes me closer to the edge.  Usually, but for some reason I actually stopped to think about this whole scenario that was playing out here (and again that which was totally not in accordance to the plan).  He's five.  He's never really had to do homework in his life.  Not on a regular basis and certainly not homework that there were consequences if he didn't do it.  He's never had to go somewhere where he's required to have an actively engaged brain for almost seven hours straight. He's probably tired.

Something in me decided to empathize with him, but then level with him.  "Buddy, we've got to do this homework.  If we want to do the things we planned to do, we have to do this first."  Did he sit down right away and do it?  Unfortunately no. But he did sit down and he did do it, but with quite a bit of coaxing and trying to get him actively engaged on my part.  I think I got my first little glimpse into what homeschooling him might be like, and honestly I'm still quite unsure I'm equipped to do that.  It took every bit of effort I had to try and keep him interested and (quite ridiculously) to try and keep myself from doing it for him.

Ugh, sometimes I'm such a perfectionist that it makes me sick...only when it comes to some things,  mind you.  Dusting my house? Well, that falls on the Stuff I Could Care Less About list...unless someone's coming over.  Know what I'm talkin' about?  But I digress....  Case in point:  Will wants to put something about bike riding in his bag because in the past few months since we've been at this house he's become somewhat of biking extraordinaire.  So I think, 'Hmmm...we don't have a little toy bike to put in there.  Why don't I make him a super-cute, super-perfect little bicycle with my handy-dandy Cricut and all the other kids at Kindergarten will be in awe of our homework completing skills.'  Or will they?  Okay, I didn't think this exactly, but I was going to do the Cricut thing.

Again for some odd reason, I stepped outside of myself and thought, 'Seriously, Martha. How does that help Will?'  Well, I could get everything set up and he could push the "cut" button.  Really, Martha?  Really?  This isn't about you.

"Hey Will, how 'bout we look through all our Hi Five mags to find a picture of a bicycle that you can cut out and put in your bag?"  He had so much fun searching the pages of those magazines to find the perfect picture to add to his bag and was then so excited to have the task of cutting the picture out.  He was concentrating so hard to cut ever-so-carefully to stay on that thin white line.  Result: super-captivated kindergartner and super-humbled momma who got a small break from narcissism and realized how cool it is to be an active part of my boy's learning experience.

I tried to get him to smile to tell everyone, "Hey, we're having fun here!"  Ha! His response?  "Mom, leave me alone." O-kaaay!

So we're all learning here.  Learning that it's best to get our homework out of the way first so we can go fishing.  Learning it's best not to do stuff like fishing on a school night when bedtime is still 8 o'clock.  Learning it's best to step aside and assist your child rahter than trying to be perfect for them (or through them) and have them miss out on a learning adventure.  (Still) learning that things almost never go exactly as planned...especially not with kids in the picture. Learning that if you keep writing insanely long posts on homework you'll lose half your readers (sorry, guys).  On that note...I'm out!  Catch you on the flip-side!

First Day of School!

All packed up and ready for the big day!

 I can honestly (and a bit ashamedly) say that two days ago I was completely ready for this day.  Completely.  Will was in one of his 'I have to be with you every second of this day and not only with you, but touching you, kicking you, talking non-stop nonsense to you' moods and frankly it was driving me insane!

"Five minutes, buddy!" was all I wanted to bark at him. Just five minutes to myself so I could do something for myself...like the laundry.  Huh...if only...

Yes, that day I was quite certain that God had made a huge mistake entrusting Will to us.  I knew for sure I was not cut out to be his momma.  That day I was rethinking my decision to go extremely part time at work so I could be with him more.  On that day I honestly would've rather dosed vanco on a quadraplegic of 15 years than be the parent he was requiring (sorry...shop talk).  Take a punch out of my mom card if you must...you can even take it away...I probably deserve it, but that day I couldn't wait for kindergarten to start.

But that day came and went.  He went to bed.  I finally got a little to myself time.  And in the morning I was able to ask for the patience and wisdom I need every day to be his mom.  And we had an awesome last day of summer...playing, talking, cuddling a bit.  And he went to bed super excited and I...well, I had a bit of a mommy meltdown.

All of a sudden I didn't know what to pack him for lunch.  PB&J?  Is that even allowed in school anymore with all of the allergies kids have?  I searched Pinterest frantically for easy school lunch ideas.  No help...seriously? You think a turkey bacon wrap with paprika mayo is an easy alternative to PB&J....and you can get your kid to eat that?  Mine won't.  At least not without a lot of encouraging and, well, bribing. 

Gregg came home and I immediately told him I had to go to Walmart because I had nothing I could send with him for lunch. I babbled on and on about not being able to send PB&J because we might kill someone with the peanut fumes.  So off I went to buy things so I could send him with a proper hypoallergenic lunch....oh, wait...I kinda forgot about milk allergies, and wheat allergies, and...oh, poop.  Fail.

Is this really about lunch?  Is this really about me not knowing how to provide my kid with a well-balanced meal that won't spoil during the morning hours of school?  Doubt it.  This school thing has been a huge source of anxiety for me for a long time with Will.  Gregg and I want the best for him.  We want him to be in an environment where he feels safe, secure, and loved while at the same time giving him the tools that he needs to succeed with his PDD-NOS diagnosis.  My heart hurts for him when I think of him scared, in an unfamiliar place, without any friends, without any advocate.  In my mind the only real option to keep him safe and secure is homeschool, and I really don't know if I'm cut out for that.  Really.  (See the first few paragraphs of this post...yikes!)

Gregg prayed with me last night because he knew how I was feeling...and frankly, he shares these feelings too.  He prayed for Will's teachers, for us, for Will himself and in my heart I was really just praying that he'd have a friend.  It took a long time for me to fall asleep, but I finally did.  And I slept well....

Micah a bit distracted...as always..."Dude, do you see that excavator?"

Little help from big brother to redirect his attention

...and this morning I was greeted by the happiest, most excited kindergartner I've ever met.  Will was up early and ready to go...quite unusual for this homebody who would rather stay in his PJs all day and not go anywhere except up and down the street on his bike.  He'd wear his PJs doing that too if I let him.  Crazy kid.  So we had a great morning and before we loaded up in the car, I had time to look him straight in the eye and tell him how much I love him...how special he is to me, to daddy, to God...how I will always be there for him.  That sweet boy.

Daddy came out for the big day too!

Standing in line waiting to go to class

I honestly did a whole lot better than I thought I would this morning.  No tears...not even the hint of choking up.  Not until we got back to the car and Micah started his freak out session, "Where's Will? Where's Will? WHERE'S WILL?"  Poor little man...missing his big bro and best bud...the one who's always there right next to him as they play...the one who's always asking, "you okay, Micah?"...the one who's always barking orders, taking toys, pushing...wait...he misses him?  Yup. Ain't nothin' like brotherly love.  Turned out though it was nothing a trip to Menard's couldn't cure...especially since he got to ride in the car shopping cart without a five year old (who's really too big for those things anyway) trying to push him out into the aisle.  So he got over it, and seems to be okay with the answer 'Will's at school' when he suddenly stops what he's doing, looks around and thinks 'Hey, where is that guy?'

I'm anxious to pick him up...see how his first day went...see if he's still as excited as he was this morning.  So for now I'm okay with our decision to send him to public school, where he can get the extra help he needs.  For now.  But I'm watching.  I'm waiting.  I'm praying.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Man, has it really been three months?  I guess it has....  Well my first blogging hiatus was self-inflicted.  Just needed some time to break away...honestly I use this blog as a way to get my thoughts out and sometimes I just didn't like what was coming out of my head.  But this time...this break in the chronology of the Schmidt house...well, it was more the result of this guy....

Don't let that sweet face fool you.  He's a stinker to the max...the King Stinker, in fact.  That sly smile he gives you from across the room is the first clue he's about to find himself some good, old-fashioned trouble.  Yes, this was the smile he gave me right before attacking the computer and ripping off the space bar from my keyboard (along with a few other not-so-essential keys).  See?  Stinker.  Kind of put a cramp in the blog roll since I didn't figure readers (are you still out there?) wouldwanttoread75paragraphsofthis.  So three months has passed and I still haven't gotten a new keyboard (which would actually be a new computer since we only have the laptop), but I have figured out that if you press down on just the right spot in the void that used to be the space bar with just the right pressure it's still somewhat functional...somewhat...

Anyway, back to the post at hand.  It's Gregg's birthday!!!  Yes, I know everyone has birthdays....they're not that exciting, and they get even less and less so as we get older.  But this was kind of a fun birthday for me (even if it wasn't mine).  Thanks to our very recent familial structure change (I'm virtually a stay at home mom who works a little on the side) I actually had the time to plan something special for him AND involve the boys.  Seriously in the past it's been, "Oh, crap! G's birthday is tomorrow...ummmm...should we go out to dinner?"  Yup.  Pretty typical.

So this year the boys and I decided to surprise daddy at work with his own personal birthday party.  Woo hoo!  And what's a party without presents?  This was the first year that I let the boys pick their own gifts for daddy.

"Will, what do you think we should get daddy for his birthday?"
"A candle."
"Hmm...really? What kind of a candle do you think daddy would like?"
"A cat candle."
A cat candle? We don't have cats, and NEVER will...sorry to all the cat lovers out there...it's just not us.
"Well, buddy. That sounds like a good idea.  Let's see what they have."

For the record, Target does not sell cat candles....at least not this time of year...not in our store.  So we settled on the next best thing.

The birdhouse candle.  Perfect for that man in your life that never seems to need anything...the birdhouse candle.  It goes with any decor...at home, the office, or even on top of the toolbox in the garage.  And throw in an Angry Birds beach towel for good measure ("Micah's" gift - also Will's idea).  Oh, geez...don't forget the card.  A monkey picking his nose with the message "We couldn't have picked a better dad than you" inside.  Perfect.  (That one led to uncontrollable giggles the whole way up to the check-out along with several looks from other patrons...some with nostalgic smiles...some with furrowed brows of concern.  We always seem to disturb somebody's shopping experience...oh, well.)

On to the next task...the cake...or cupcakes as it turned out to be.

"Will, what kind of cake should we make?"
"A cat cake."
What-the? Where is this coming from?  Whatever.  I humored him for a bit and we browsed Pinterest (don't get me started) for a while looking at cat cakes.  After 15 minutes of this (seriously)...
"How about a fishing cake?"
"SURE!!!" Phew...crisis averted.

So back to Pinterest and we came up with these.

Please keep in mind that I am definitely NOT a cupcake perfectionista and in NO way am I aspiring to be, so judge accordingly.  At least they didn't turn out so you had to hold your head at just the right angle and squint your eyes just so to realize what they were supposed to be...at least I don't think you have to...

And now for the big day and big surprise! We got our presents ready....

Again, please judge accordingly...that little one's shirt was clean at the beginning of the day (ie. 20 min before this pic was taken).  Honestly, for as much "teething" (aka. drooling) as this kid has done, he should have 454 teeth.  Y.U.C.K!!!  Anyway, presents ready....and we're off.

Arriving at daddy's office...he's none-the-wiser.  They were so excited and it was super cool to see it being over giving someone else a gift...huge accomplishment for a couple of self-centered (by nature) two- and five-year-olds.

So excited in fact that they had to open all his presents (including his card) themselves because they just couldn't stand it.  Super special moment for this momma and a good reminder that I'm not only at home for these boys, but also for my husband, my friend, my love.  So thankful....

Gaining Hope

One of the most difficult things for me during this journey through PDD-NOS (Autism for simplification purposes) has been this feeling of isolation.  I don't know many people who have children with this type of diagnosis and I know even fewer that have the same spiritual outlook that I do.  This has led me to feel extremely alone in this.  This is not to say that we don't have people that are supporting us...we do, and we greatly appreciate all their thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement...but there is something to be said about someone who can look you in the eye and you just know that they understand because they're walking that exact same path. 

Why don't I get involved in some sort of support group?  Huh.  Good question.  I often finding myself reevaluating my reasons for this.  We have an Autism support group here in the Black Hills and I have a number of reasons for not getting involved to this point...their website is difficult to navigate, their meeting times are inconvenient, they don't have a faith-based approach to this disorder.  This last reason has been the most "valid" reason that I have clung to and is also the reason I have yet to pick up an informational book on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs).  It has been my perception that the approach to treating and dealing with Autism and related disorders are very much child-centered.  Let your world revolve around the child...it will be much better for everyone in the long run. My question has always been: Will it?

The fact of the matter is, this world does not revolve around them.  This world and all that inhabit it (including us) were created by God for the purpose of bringing glory to His name.  If I treat my child like he is the center of the universe, he'll start to believe it, and that doesn't leave any room for God in His rightful place.  I'm not going down that road...so I haven't even tried to look into anyone else's solutions to our "problem" and I've prayed for something else.  Something...someone who knows what I'm talking about, who feels the same way.

Over these past few months the Lord has provided answers to these prayers.  A coworker brought me an article one day out of our local paper about a woman whose son was recently diagnosed with Autism and who just wasn't finding all she needed from traditional support groups or books.  She decided to start a Faith-Based Autism Support group for families who need something a little more than what the typical support group offers. This group recognizes families' need for prayer and encouragement from the only source of absolute truth - God's Word.  I started to see some light in the isolated darkness this diagnosis has brought on.

In her article she mentions a book that helped her come to terms with her son's diagnosis while giving her assurance that God has purpose and, even more so, blessings for Autistic children and their families.  The author's name is Kelly Langston and her book "Autism's Hidden Blessings" talks about her journey through Autism while relating all of it to God's Word.  I researched her a little online and after reading several of her blog entries decided that she would be someone I could relate to...both emotionally and spiritually.  So I decided to order the book. I also noticed she was going to be doing an online study of the book starting May 1st to provide more insight and encouragement for families dealing with Autism.  Perfect.  Exactly what I need.

The book came and we got busy.  Sell the house...remember?  So as soon as the book showed up at my door, it went in my bookshelf with the door closed.  Sell the house...hide your clutter.   Well, things have finally calmed down and this morning I finally remembered the book.  As I was reading the introduction all the memories of dealing with Will's tantrums before we knew there was an issue and then the heartbreak once we finally learned there was "something wrong" came flooding back.  And then I remembered the study...it's May 1st!  After signing up (thankfully she's not closing registration until Friday!) and reading some of the entries from other mommas, I was encouraged and the darkness of isolation started to fade even more.

Along with these more straight forward answers to my prayers, my whole thought process on the established Autistic community has changed.  I was discounting anything written by anyone without a spiritual, or more importantly, a Biblical basis, and I've come to realize it wasn't fair...to the people who have devoted their lives to this disorder, but especially to my son who may benefit from some of their suggestions and advice.  I realized that I can apply the same Biblical practice of testing it speaks of in 1Thes 5:20-22 while wading through the mounds of information on ASDs.  I can view everything with spiritual goggles, testing all I read against my one standard of truth and holding on to the good.  After all, the program we've had Will in for the past two and a half years has been based on much of this research and I cannot deny the progression we've seen in Will.

So today, I'm thanking the Lord for His blessings...for the encouraging phone calls and emails, for this support group, for this book and study, for the researchers who continue to find ways for us to connect with our children, and, yes, even for Autism itself.  Much of our decision for me to stay home more was fueled by Will's diagnosis of PDD-NOS...so I could do all that needs to be done to help him.  So I'm diving in...I'm getting informed...getting connected...because (to borrow the words of Kelly Langston), "Will, I'm coming to get you."

For those interested, it's not too late to sign up for the study.  http://kellylangston.com/