Having a Heart for Adoption

 Warning!!!  This is an extremely LONG post.  If you're reading just to find out what's going on with the chili cook-off and silent auction, scroll to the bottom.  Otherwise, don't say I didn't warn you!

I was first introduced to adoption about four or so years ago when our friends Ben and Janet announced they would be adopting from Ethiopia.  Obviously I was familiar with what adoption was in the legal sense before this, but it wasn't until I watched them walk through their journey that I actually began to really understand what it meant to adopt.  And I emphasize "began" because I still don't think I can claim to fully comprehend all that true adoption involves.  I am an amateur when it comes to this. Ben and Janet's experience showed me that adoption isn't just for people who can't have children "the normal way."  It's not for people who tried and tried and just couldn't get pregnant.  Adoption is a choice...a well thought out, calculated choice to bring a child into your home permanently - fully and completely part of the family.  Most people who adopt yearn for this child even before they see him/her for the first time.  They have a love for this child that can't be explained by a biological connection.  There is something absolutely beautiful and almost supernatural about it.  It truly is an amazing thing to see.

Watching Ben and Janet also made me begin to understand my status as an adoptee.  Adoption in this life, in this world is a reflection of God's actions toward us.  We, as sinners, were separated from God.  No home, no Father.  But God chose not to leave us this way.  He chose to send his Son as a sacrifice to redeem us...bring us back to him.  He chose us and because of this we are able to be called sons of God.  Do you realize what this means?  If we confess our sins and claim Jesus as Lord we will NOT be eternally separated, but will be included in the inheritance of Jesus Christ.  All because he loved us so much he could not leave us in a state of fatherlessness (when you have your own blog you're allowed to make up words).  Adoption in this world is again a reflection and an extension of what God has done for us.

One of my favorite verses when it comes to adoption (actually just in general) is James 1:27 which says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  This verse gives evidence to the fact that God has a heart for orphans (and widows, but that's another post) and he has given us a command to look after them.  Does this mean we have to adopt ourselves?  Not necessarily...  Maybe it means becoming a missionary and serving at an orphanage caring for orphans.  Maybe it means continuously being in prayer for adoptive families in their journeys.  Or maybe it means financially partnering with a family in the process of adopting.  If we pick our heads up and look around we will find out there are people all over that are answering God's call to adopt. 

This is how we got introduced to Danny and Amanda.  They go to our church and I knew of them...that's about the extent of it.  Then I heard they were adopting, and for some reason God pushed me way out of my comfort zone and I invited them over for dinner.  We got to hear their story...about them, their family, and why they have decided to adopt.  God gave me an instant love for this family...a burden for this family.  They are constantly on my mind and I have an aching in my heart to help them bring their little one home.  When I heard the adoption is going much quicker than originally thought, the urgency set in.  So that brings me to the BIG point of this incredibly long post (so sorry if you've read the whole thing!).  I really wish we could give Danny and Amanda the whole amount that they need to adopt this baby, but we just can't.  But I can (along with A LOT of help from those around me) at least assist them.  So a small group of us has decided to put on a fund raiser for this family...we are doing a chili cook-off and silent auction on June 26.  Like I said, this is going to require quite a bit of help and donation of resources and time from lots of people.  That is why I am humbly asking for HELP!!  Please donate...whether it be time, chili, items for auction, or straight monetary donations...whatever you feel led to give, we would appreciate it immensely and you may never know the full impact your donation will forever have on this family.  So please be in prayer about this and if you feel like this is something God has laid on your heart, email me, call me, send me a message on FB, and I can get more specific about what we need. 

Lastly, if you are not in a position to give or don't feel like this is something you're supposed to do, please still consider to partner with us in prayer.  Pray for Danny and Amanda as they prepare for this little one to arrive.  Pray for their older children as they make this transition.  Pray for the birth mother and her situation whatever it may be.  Pray for the details of the event to all come into place.  Pray we are able to get the word out and people will come and feel led to give.  Pray that all needs are met - financial, spiritual, emotional, others we may not even be aware of.  Whew!! I think I'll end there.  Please get in touch with me if you have any further questions, comments, or just want to pray.  Also, if I've totally screwed up what adoption means to those who have already done it, please forgive me.  I told you I was an amateur.

Four

Man, I can't believe it's here already.  Four years old!  My little boy is growing up so fast - it's almost sickening to think he'll be in kindergarten soon, then grade school, middle school, high school - AAHHHH!!  Okay, let's slow down and live in the moment!  Oh, Will...my first born.  To take a phrase from a friend - "You made me a momma!" 

Such a sweet boy!  I love his energy - the boy never stops!  He keeps me on my toes, that's for sure.  He is incredibly strong-willed (not sure where he got that from - ahem!).  This brings me many frustrating moments in parenting, but I hope will bring him successes later in life.  (Now just to figure out how to cultivate this into a positive thing!) 

I love watching him learn how to be a big brother.  He loves Micah so much, but learning how to show that love comes with difficulty!  He was the only one for three years and then all of a sudden there was this little guy demanding attention and now getting into his toys.  Every moment is a learning opportunity!  Even with all the fighting and selfishness and bossing around, there are plenty of sweet moments.  This morning Micah bonked his head (again) and immediately Will was by his side telling him it was okay and giving him hugs. That's enough to melt a momma's heart!  Oh, how I pray they will be friends and one day brothers in Christ!

I love his servant heart.  He gets that from his daddy.  He's always wanting to help around the house and outside - especially outside!  It might be an independence thing, but I'm thinking we can grow this into a heart that wants to serve the Lord. 

I love his silliness!  This one might get him into trouble at school.  He definitely feeds off of people's attention and if he gets a laugh out of someone, you'd better believe he's going to repeat whatever it was that got them chuckling.  Oh, I can just imagine the phone calls from the principal and parent-teacher conferences!  Help me now, Lord!

I love his happiness!  There are moments when I wonder what got his undies in a twist, but for the most part Will is a pretty happy kid.  You can always get a smile out of him.

Oh, yes, Will...you made me a momma.  More specifically, God made me a momma, and he chose to do it with Will.  This has been a crazy four years.  Gregg and I have learned a lot, grown a lot, grieved a lot.  Parenting is NOT what we expected.  It's so much more...and so much harder.  We never realized it was going to be an exercise in personal faith and dependence on God.  It's amazing the things God uses to help us grow closer to him. 

One thing Gregg has said over and over, is that he was never able to even begin to understand Christ's love for us until we had Will.  I reflect on this and how true it is.  Even though the relationship with your spouse should be the closest relationship here on this earth, there is nothing like the love you feel for that child.  The closeness you feel as they are brand new, the joy you feel as you watch them succeed, the heartache you feel when they don't, the grief you feel when they chose to sin.  Being a parent has made me so much more thankful of my heavenly Father and his love for me!

I am so thankful for this little boy and all the joys and challenges he brings Gregg and I each and every day.  I can't wait to see what the next four years, eight years, sixteen years hold for us.  Happy Birthday, Will!  I love you!

Deer Poop and Other Random Stuff

So, it's been well over a month since I've posted anything...actually didn't think I'd ever get back around to blogging.  But, alas...here I am.  What have I decided to blog about after my long hiatus?  That's right...deer poop...and a whole lot of it.  This comes after me spending more than an hour yesterday picking up deer poop in our back yard.  That's right...more than an hour.  Worst part of it is, I'm only about a fifth of the way done.  Disgusting.  Not only deer poop, but rabbit poop, and fox poop, and whatever random dog roams into our yard poop.  How fair is this?  I don't own a dog, and for very tangible reasons like - I don't like to pick up poop!!  What the heck?!?!?  I guess that's what I get for buying a house in a somewhat rural area. 

Well during my hour of fun, I had plenty of time to think.  At first it started off with practical things...spiritual things...how can I put into practice what I've learned through my Bible study this week?  Then my mind turned more to things related to the task at hand...
1) Man, this is A LOT of poop!   I live on a golf course...do they pay someone to pick all this up off the golf course?  Or do the deer know not to poop there?  Maybe that's their dining area and my yard is their bathroom.
2) I just found the chore the boys are going to hate the most, but the one I'm going to love passing off the most!
3) My thoughts turned to childhood memories like the time we were out Christmas tree hunting and my brother decided to pick up a cow pie.  Then remembering how funny it was when he figured out what it was.  (This was after I hear Will saying, "look, mom, poop!" and to my horror I turn around to see him sitting in poop with some poop in his hand.  Then I freak out like any good mom and make him go inside and wash up.)
4) Will was out there with me the whole time (minus the wash up session) which made me think about how much I love having boys and how much I'm going to LOVE spending the summer outside with them playing in the grass with rocks and bugs (I won't be touching any bugs, mind you). 

Funny how your mind wanders when you let it...  Well, I'm sorry if I've just disappointed (or grossed out) any of my followers (if I have any), but this is my life, people!  Here are some random pics of the boys to make up for the gross factor of this post...enjoy!

 Brothers...so sweet when they wanna be!

 "I love helping daddy with the dishes!"  Yeah, let's just hope this lasts!

 Crazy hair day at preschool...not too happy about it in the morning - he begged me to wash it out, but then...

 Lovin' it at the end of the day...he thought he was the COOLEST!

 Our new found passion...painting!

 Concentrating very hard.

 And then there's Micah...so excited about life.  Every day is an adventure!

Another sweet bro' moment.  Love these boys!

Say What You Mean To Say

For the past few days now John Mayer's voice has been playing over and over in my head..."Say what you mean to say.  Say what you mean to say."  (Am I the only one with the continuously rolling soundtrack in my head?  Gosh, I hope not.)  Anyway, ever since we got back from Louisiana I haven't really been able to blog much.  I have all these thoughts swarming around in my head, but I can't get a coherent thought to come out.  Blogging is a release for me...it's a way for us to stay connected to the outside world, for me to keep people up on what's going on, or just to get things out that need out.  But for the past few weeks I feel like I've been walking around in this fog.  I've started a million blogs in my head, even started writing a few, but I can't get out what I'm trying to say. 

I want to tell people:

-That while we're doing okay, we're still struggling with the loss of Eric - Gregg especially.  We have our lives to keep us busy during the day, but in the quiet of the night grief strikes.  Or even sometimes it comes at totally random times.

- That we serve an awesome God, and he has a plan for each and every one of us.  If I were you, I'd try to get on the good side of that plan.

- That Micah got his first tooth and he's crawling now.  That's running us into a lot of talks about sharing and being kind since now he can get into Will's toys. 

- That I love my new job, although the hours stink and I'm feeling a little stupid because I've been working in retail for the past almost two years.

- That marathon training is going well, although slowly. 

- That I have the most wonderful husband who sacrifices in so many areas for our family.

There are all these feelings and inner struggles I want to get out like:

- How to couple the fact that God is someone to be feared, but at the same time he allows us to call him by a most intimate name - Abba, Father.

- How sweet it is to hold a sleeping baby in your arms and the love that overwhelms you at a moment like that.

- How to get used to this "new normal" without Eric (thanks, Laura for coining that term).

- How challenging and rewarding parenting can be at the same time.

- How to show the love of Christ to those I barely even know, or worse yet, to those I don't like.

- How humbled I am at the acts of service and love we received from Eric and Laura's church in Louisiana, Roger and Cathy's church during our short stay in Enid, OK, and from our church here in SD during this difficult time.

The list literally goes on and on.  Maybe one day the fog that is February will clear and I'll be able to articulate my thoughts again.  Maybe it won't and this will be my last blog...we'll see.  But for now I'll sign off and try to get used to this new normal.

Praise You In This Storm

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall (Casting Crowns)

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

'Nuff said.

The Man They Called Scorch

Captain Eric "Scorch" Schmidt.  I have known Eric for a little over 10 years, but I have never referred to him with such a formal title.  To be honest, I didn't even know his official rank in the Air Force.  Of course I knew he was in the Air Force.  I knew he was a pilot.  I knew he was enlisted right out of high school before attending college.  But after that I knew little to nothing about the man his coworkers (copilots, co-Air Force people - I'm not up on the lingo) called Scorch.  I knew him as Eric...loyal brother and son, good friend, wonderful husband, awesome uncle, proud papa, devoted follower of Christ.  I never really saw him in his professional realm.  I didn't even know how he got his pilot call sign (Scorch), but apparently it had to do with some planes catching fire on more than one occasion - although I'm told it was no fault of his....riiiiight. :)  I really had no idea until last week what a true benefit he was to our Armed Forces.  Take a look at all the ribbons he received while serving his country:

I had no idea what they all meant, so I looked them up (using the internet, mind you, so I hope it was accurate).  Here are some of the meanings of a few random ones: Meritorious Service Medal, Aerial Achievement Medal, Air Force Good Conduct Medal, Southwest Asia Service Medal, Small Arms Expert Marksmanship Ribbon.  The list goes on.  Sad thing is, I'll never know what he did to receive all these...it would have been nice to know.

Last week I got a little glimpse into what Eric...Scorch...Capt. Schmidt meant to the Air Force community.  At his visitation we heard multiple stories from a copilot, fellow student from the academy, and others about his leadership skills, courage, and dedication to people.  Before his funeral the Global Strike Commander Lt. Gen. James Kowalski personally told the family we could truly be proud of Eric and the job he did.  At his funeral he was honored with Taps, a 21 gun salute, and a B-52 fly over.  They repeated the fly over at his burial service in Enid, OK.  Both planes were flown by those who served with him and called him friend.  After the service in LA, some of the guys in his squadron took us to see where he worked and give us a little more insight into what he did on a day to day basis and the impact he had on those around him.  The whole experience, though incredibly sad, was awesome and one I will never forget. 

I can honestly say I was proud of Eric before...mostly because he was incredible man of God and he lived out his faith every day.  I can see now that he extended that to the workplace.  When I think of what we were shown last week, with Eric's dedication to his job, country, and the people he interacted with every day, I am reminded of Colossians 3:23-24.  It says: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord you are serving."  What an incredible example he set for the rest of us in all areas of his life.  I am now ever more so proud of my brother-in-law for the way he served his country, but mostly for the way he served his God.

See You Later, Brother

It's an eerie thing knowing when someone is going to die.  Of course we know we're all dying, and you may even have a glimpse of a general time when someone might pass away, but very seldom do you know the date ahead of time when someone will die.  Eric passed away this morning, and we knew it was going to happen.  He had been on the ventilator since last Tuesday and it became evident he was not ever going to be able to successfully breathe without it.  The cancer had spread so significantly that his body was shutting down.  The whole time Gregg and I were here he hadn't responded to our presence aside from opening his eyes briefly the first day we were here.  So after multiple long talks with the doctors and the family it was decided to take him off of the ventilator this morning.

There is an unsettling feeling in a situation like this.  Tons of questions go through your head..."Are we doing the right thing?"  "What if the situation would have changed tomorrow and he would have been fine?"  "Am I playing God?"  The chaplain from the base out here assured me that God is still in control of the situation and if he wanted Eric to breathe on his own, that would happen.  Still unsettled.

We have been praying this whole time for God to take this away from Eric, hoping he would just heal him - completely.  My prayer didn't change last night.  I prayed we would walk into the hospital room this morning and he would be sitting up, breathing on his own, with a smile on his face to greet us.  We prayed for a miracle...just give us a miracle.  This morning we got a miracle.  When we walked into the room, Eric's eyes were open and he was responding to questions.  We were able to see him and him see us.  We could talk to him and he heard us.  Then the really unsettling feeling, "Does he know what we're here for?"  Gregg decided he would be the one to directly ask him.  It was heartbreaking to watch Gregg ask his only brother if he was aware, but also if this was what he wanted, but it was so reassuring to see that Eric knew exactly what was going on and affirm to us that he was ready to go and be with Jesus.  With the sedation off, it was so obvious he was in pain...just more evidence the cancer had taken over.  He was ready to go.  It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was awesome that everyone got to be there.  It was awesome that everyone there was a believer.  It was awesome that even as Eric was leaving this life, God was being praised.  Eric lived his life to glorify God, and he has now received the goal of his faith...the salvation of his soul.