Just as a warning...this post may be full of cliches, but there's a reason people say these sorts of things. I am notorious for feeling convicted about saying something to someone and never doing it (I guess now you know the dirty truth). The root of the problem is pride. I am an INCREDIBLY prideful person and I absolutely hate it. It is something I pray about constantly, but feel like I never really get anywhere with it. Even worse, I'm more prideful with people that are closest to me. So a lot of things that should be said get left unsaid.
So a few weeks ago, I got this overwhelming sense that I need to write Eric a long email or letter or whatever to just encourage him in his situation, tell him some things that I had been thinking about, and thank him for his part in Gregg's salvation (if you don't know, God used Eric in big ways for this purpose). Guess what...I never did it. I got "too busy" or whatever. Either way, it ended up with me having to tell him while he's sedated and on a ventilator. I have no idea if he heard me and if he did I have no idea if he understood me. What is wrong with me that I can't tell someone something like this until it's pretty much too late? What is so bad about someone knowing how you feel about them? It makes you vulnerable...why is that such a bad thing?
I guess this is me feeling guilty for not doing what I know I was supposed to do. I wish I could say this is a lone instance, but that would be untruthful. So my whole point to this is (here's the cliche) - don't wait. Don't wait to tell someone that you love them. Don't wait to open yourself up to them and let them know how you feel. Don't wait to make yourself available to them for whatever. Don't use the excuse that you're too busy, or the kids have this, or whatever. Find time. Make time. Seriously...don't wait.
Thank you, dear Martha- for voicing what ALL of us do battle with on a daily basis! You are not alone. I guess the takeaway is just exactly what you have encouraged us all to do~ don't wait. Stay in the battle and be vulnerable.
ReplyDeletePlease, though- don't beat yourself up too much. We are learning all the time what it means to be Christ-followers and how dependent we are on Him.
And for what it's worth... I think Eric DID hear what you told him from your heart and I'm sure that God is ministering to Him right now in very special ways. I know how beat up you feel.... this is so very hard. Just know that there are many many people praying and going at this thing with you. Wish we could be there in person tho... that part sucks (pardon the word... but it fits the bill). We love you and Gregg deeply.
Sue and Don
Martha this is from my heart. I know I've expressed how I feel about you but I wish to tell you more. I just love you so much but I too get caught up in this pride thing. When the Lord tells me He wants to do something or say something I get afraid that I"m going to be rejected. I get so caught up in what others may say or think of me. I have to rely on the truth and what God says about me. Thanks for encouragements you give out on you blog. They really make me think so I'm encouraged in my walk with the Lord. The Lord has truly blessed me with a godly daughter. You are so awesome.
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